in the waiting place again

 
Hello my dear friends. It's been a long, sad February, and I'm glad, I think, to be seeing the back of it. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
You can always cope with the now, but you can never cope with the future - nor do you have to - Eckhart Tolle (by way of Linda - thank you!) I'm trying so hard to remember this right now, as results day approaches (Tuesday) and I find myself full of fear. But trying not to be! It's just that if we find the Torisel isn't working, we then have to start the whole rigmarole agin, hunting for another trial, somewhere, as, again, nothing more will be offered on the NHS. This postcode lottery is one of the most frightening things about all this.
D is feeling great, in general, very positive, and I feel that I should NOT betray his feelings by being so fearful. His pelvic met is visible to the naked eye, and we feel fairly certain that it has visibly shrunk. But, at the same time, it's been a lot more painful in recent weeks. Hard hard to see him hurting, and he doesn't want to up his morphine dose. I'm thinking that it could be causing more pain as it shrinks back from the bone - the best possible reason - but the other option is, of course, that it's continuing to grow and we're deceiving ourselves. I'm trying to prepare myself for this.
But these have been good days in our house, and we're enjoying our time together and are feeling surrounded by love. Spring brings such promises of regeneration and new life...
Please think of us on Tuesday, if you have a moment. Much love to you all.