In The Valley, waiting to peak
Hi DS Friends,
I just wanted to stop by and give my LOVE to you all and work on pulling myself out of this deep Valley of weakness and Fatigue.... I have been in this relapse for quite some time now and it just won't let up, however I stay positive above and beyound my mind's thinking through the Grace of God's Given Free Will.....
I remain in the Conscious intent to stir away from negative thinking and let life flow through me, as it wishes, as I also take the best care of myself as possible... I spent Thanksgiving with my son and his New and 5th woman relationship and my 3 grandsons... Love playing with the two youngest grandsons, as they are filled with energy and purity :)
My son and his new woman are heavy drinkers, so I also had some stress, that I have let go of... My stress is for their welfare, and I learned through Alanon I am POWELESS over my son's addictions and behavior... I pray for him and don't take him personally. His new m ate is a sweetheart, with a drinking issue. I am pondering whether I should go for Christmas or not for my wellbeing. Seeimg grandsons is uplifting and balances out my son's issues often. However I am extremely weak and might not be abkle to rise for the occasion. I'll cross that bridge in about 10 days from now.
I hardly even shower and give myself what I call Birdbaths. A shower is like climbing a mountain even with a chair in the bath. Occasionaly I nfall short of staying in the positive and have a good cry, then wash my face and remember GOD and move as best as possible or not move and watch a movie or take a nap. I don't have sleep issues, because this body demands at least 15 to 18 hours sleep a day and I pass out.
I am presently focused on Gratitude I don't need a wheelchair, cane, or walker and can still appear well, although I am strating to feel and show my age. Ha ha I will be 66 Feb. 15th and feel like I am 96! I am sure you all know exactly how this feels....
I would like to wish you all MUCH LOVE & LIGHT presently and throughout these Holidays . May we all be Blessed with a Happy and healthier New Year :) <3 <3
Replies
Hello there beautiful. I pray I never lose contact with you. You are a gift from God. Always a reminder to me that we can make it through our suffering by remembering our true eternality and natural loving relationship with the Supreme. I'm so sorry for the physical suffering you are forced to endure. I understand that extreme debilitating weakness ,and I know you are a severe case with CFS. Worse than myself .I do get relief on and off and then continually crash again. I'm in bed right now as I type. Ive been thinking about making some rye bread toast for over an hr now, but I'm just wiped out and home alone. The kitchen is too far away today and having a shower sometime later is my grand goal for the day. I am familiar with that rotten weak feeling that you speak of. Only you have been through cancer as well and you have to take care of yourself.
So I'm always with you in heart and spirit and always wanting to be be near you to help.
I'm so happy you were able to spend time with your grandchildren and I hope you do make it again. I know you have suffered a lot of stress and heart break with your son. There is not much you can do but pray for change. He is bandaiding his own pain and struggle in this difficult world like so many do ..with intoxication. You are not responsible and I understand that your grandchildren must suffer also.
I have constant problems with my daughter. She has trauma issues from being raped at 15 yrs old and our whole family is affected by her unstable emotional patterns. My grandchildren suffer also and it breaks my heart. However I am learning that I cannot change everything and need to just do my best and accept that which I cannot change.
My granddaughter Mischa is here at my house a lot and I take baby Jaxli for an hour here and there depending on my energy.
It is natural that you cry my friend. Your journey is austere. Life requires energy, so every single thing is so much harder without it
However, you are an amazing soul. Debra. Truly you are. The love and compassion you have for others ,and your recognition of your original spiritual nature is a reflection of your success. Despite so many obstacles, you continue to persevere, accept and grow. You are a teacher to me and good karma for me. I am grateful to have you in my life and hold you dearly in my heart.
Much love. Diane xoxo
Dearest Diane,
You support my journey with your loving kindness. As you well know the journey within while facing life's challenges is sometimes quite a bumpy ride, because we are both human and spirit. I am forever grateful for you and DS, for it's the only place where people comprehend our difficulties dealing with chronic invisible illness. My oncologist wanted to give me chemo in pill form due to elevated platelets. Fat chance, as far as I am concerned. I don't always have elevated platelets and take cucumin paste I make which keeps platelets steady. I am relaxing on my couch now as I write and filled with so much Gratitude for your love ❤️
Love is within everyone of us as Conscious Awaerness for we are love.... isn't it Grand we can share our innate Self with each other?
I am practicing attention, conscious intent, and free will, which keeps me balanced as the witness and unattached to the ego's consistent shenanigans :).
Love Sister of the Soul and Healing vibrations your way always.
Hello, love. So good to hear from you. I'm so sorry about your son and his woman. You are so right that it is beyond your control. There is nothing you can do on the physical realm. Continue to pray, as I know you do. You are so dear. Much love to you.
Much Love to you truin as well. Yes I hand my dear son and his new mate over to God regularly. He can do what I can't.
I actually looking forward to. Christmas there now as I feel a bit better and moving around more.
Love the Spirit of keeping Christ in Christmas