in the spot light

I lost my beautiful husband on April 15 2015 that's less than 2 months ago, he is a local musician that is very well known. The people that know him and those who are fans of his all want to come together tomorrow and have a memorial at a local club that he played often, and of course I said yes and that I will be there but that means I will have to put a face on because I will be in the spot light, I have never liked that my husband liked the spot light not me ad I am not sure how to mourn in public like that. right before he died he was nominated to be inducted into the local rock and roll hall of fame I believe they will make it official tomorrow. oh I miss him so I want to hear his voice to hear him sing again. how do I do this. how do I smile and thank people when inside I want to scream?