In Need of Replenishment

Over recent weeks I have spent dark days Lethargically slumped over my writing desk I have been feeling dispirited and dull My concentration has gone and I am now prone To frequent, unpredictable mood changes  For days now I have felt indifferent decidedly irritable and if you so much as looks at me I am likely to snarl viciously and Aggressively demand to know why, just because I teach people how to write Everyone expects me to be an accomplished writer  What could someone With a banal daily life like mine Possibly have to write In verse or prose for that matter? Of what consequence Are my sporadic, deranged mutterings? It has all been a façade, a masquerade all done with smoke and mirrors  This proliferation, this sudden invasion of my organs this debilitating infection of my brain has left me suffering from a chronic, torpor It is an effort even to raise my pen I am suffering from daytime insomnia exhausted by periods of sleep-like unconsciousness And fear I will slip into a deep coma wither and die of sleeping sickness  Sleeping sickness? First described in the fourteenth century when Sultan Djata of the Kingdom of Melli was stricken by a lethargy that killed him Only methodical destruction of the tsetse flies habitat repelled the spread but now, centuries later a fresh reservoir of blood lies unprotected  Only a vigilant mobile surveillance system with specialized staff using effective diagnostic tools and improved field control strategies Will repel this resurgence control this vigorous strain of sleeping sickness causing neurological impairment in lonely writers and artists all over the world  I wrote this many years ago when I was summoning the courage to face each day with my husband who was battling bowel cancer. Over recent months the malaise has taken a grip and I have found myself in a trough. An article in 'The Age' today talks about how Australians dealt with the financial crisis. It says that "we painted on a happy face, popped a few pills then buried our sorrows in booze and junk food." I am too staid to turn to pills or bury my sorrows in booze or junk food but there is no doubt that I have 'painted' my face and told people I was okay. The more harrowing it became the more time I spent immersed in the creative arts. And, there is no doubt that this helped me keep up appearances. Then one day the color seemed to fade and things that had sustained me no longer had any meaning.  The day the color faded was the same day that it hit me that no matter what I did, no matter where I went, no matter how I tried to fill in the hours, the most important person in my life was not going to come back. I would like to think that I will establish a variety of relationships and find companionship that nourishes me but first I have to treat this recurrent malaise.  A dear online friend has written to share some advice. She says that when she succumbs to this illness she heads to the nearest travel bureau and collects every pamphlet in the case, then to the library to look up every scenic, historic or artistic location in her state, and lastly to a directory of every museum within 300 miles. Armed with maps she circles places of interest she would like to visit, like a nights stay at the Ken monastary. After due consideration she says to GO, even if it is only a spa in your town.  YOU ARE AN ARTIST, she tells me AND ALL ARTISTS NEED REPLENISHMENT.  Jane was widowed some years ago and is a wise crone. Perhaps it is this simple.

Replies

loveandgrace
loveandgrace

Hey, Maybe your friend is on to something. I felt the strong urge to flee and went to a tropical island I had never been to before. It did wonders for me--the change in scenery, the colors, the music, the food, the people. I was someplace where no one knew me or my circumstances and there was some freedom in that. I think it helped me turn a corner. Only problem is now I\'m back and in some new kind of slump, probably related to another anniversary and more finality in regard to the death of my partner. But I do like the ideas of your wise friend. Sounds like she knows how to live life creatively and cleverly. Hugs to you--go have an adventure! Amy
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat

I agree with Jane, and for once I\'m trying to take my own advice! Love and Hugs, Martha
julie50501
julie50501

A change of scenery for a few days can really help! My husband and I had planned a trip to Oregon to visit my younger daughter in mid-November. He passed away on the 3rd, but I decided to go ahead and take the trip. It did me a world of good; it was the coming back that was hard, and has been hard ever since. However, things must be dealt with, including dealing with the reality that he is not here, not coming back. This has been a brutal winter, time to plan another trip; which I am. I will head down to visit my aunt in Florida in April.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sounds good to me! I\'ve sure been thinking those same thoughts too but have my three teenagers to consider with school. Maybe early summer....we\'ve already begun to talk ot it.

You are such a gifted writer. Does the journaling help some? I find as I read back on things I\'ve written here (I print them after a time) and my notebooks, I am able to see a sort of progression, positive mostly, and that becomes somewhat satisfying in my search for answers.

Please keep writing and sharing! Many blessings to you - Janet
lindalun
lindalun

Great advice from your friend. I am planning a trip with my two children but just have not decided where to go. It is hard not having Carlos here with us. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Have a good day. Linda
deleted_user
deleted_user

I agree with your dear friend. i have given myself permission to spoil myself a little bit and have included my daughter in this spoilage. It has helped ALOT. we have spent the day laying around watching silly movies and eating junk food. we have gone to clothing consignment stores and bought lots of fun clothes for a quarter of the price. we have gone to wal-mart at 3am because we couldn\'t sleep just to buy make-up. i have splurged on a massage and a pedicure or two. I am not rolling in the dough by any means but i decided that healing is more important that saving money right now. As we have all learned, life is too short and we never know what can happen. Just for this year, I have decided that my daughter and I are taking a \"pass\" - we are spoiling ourselves a little bit and not worrying about the details. I cashed in all of my sick and vacation to send her on a school trip to france and spain. She loved David - they had a terrific bond and she is hurting as much as I am.

It has brought she and I closer and that has helped me immensely.

Personally, if you haven\'t already, i think you should work on publishing your writings. You allude to the fact that you have a little writer\'s block and even then your words magically flow off the page!

hang in:)
Lisa
ricebells
ricebells

Heather,l think you are thinking to much and you need time to charge your batteries,have you ever thought about going on a retreat,you don,t have to be riligious to do this,but you need time to find the inner you,you need some peaceful tranquility brought back into your soul.l don,t know what the situation is like were you live,but over in the UK we have alot of places that people go to,sometimes just to find the inner person,you know we have all lost ourselves along the way,l know l have,but l have found that the more my mind is in a tormoil,the worse l am,so l always try and take things easy,and do my best to stay calm.Heather sometimes thinking too much is too much do you know what l mean,l hope you find some peace and rest.
take care
Alice
deleted_user
deleted_user

Replenishment sounds good!!! It would do your soul good to get away for a few days.