In my life,there is a whisper of peace

Good morning journal,it is 8:21am,and I am fully awake.I rose at 7:15am from a peaceful and restorative sleep,and I actually smiled,an event which has become rare in recent times.My pain level this morning is tolerable to the point of being almost not worth mentioning at all;but it is there nonetheless,and I am aware of it.It is only as the day wears on,that my level of pain shifts to varying degrees of intensity,and I find myself swinging from breathing,if not comfortably,then at least semi-free of struggle;to times when I grit my teeth and actually hold my breath,which I would assume is not helpful to a COPD/Emphysema sufferer;and yes journal,I smiled softly there.I was incredibly moved when I returned here this morning,to find that some wonderful people had cared enough to leave comments on my entries;people I have never met,yet I consider friends;I find that beautiful beyond belief.My spirit is strengthened by the simple humanity of others who took the time to say,"I hear you",even though,for the most part,I speak to you and you alone.I feel a kinship with the people in my groups here,we share the same battle daily, simply to cope with defective lungs.and in my case,depression which causes my mood to behave in erratic,and sometimes unbelievable ways.I can swing from feeling calm to suicidal,and,on occasion,homicidal,in what seems to be a nano second in time.I no longer,it seems,understand the workings of my mind;but I am comforted by the professionalism and dedication of my mental health team,who seem to know me better than I do myself.My physical ailments,I leave to my young doctor friend,who,at the moment,is trying different anti-depressants on me,in an effort to find, in consultation with my mental health nurse,a daily reprieve from my depression,to a level of,at least, bearable existence.My physical problems he deals with by a concoction of pills and inhalers which,for the most part,keep me vertical and sucking air,and I am grateful for his ministrations in this particular area of my life.
       I am toying with the idea of uploading some photographs to my profile, but I wonder if that would be such a wise course of action,having preferred the anonymity of the shadowy figure that matches my screen name so well up till now;oh well,I shall ponder on it.Incidentally journal,I chose to spell my name sillouette without the letter H,so that I would remain an individual,and separate from,my silhouette brothers and sisters out there in cyberspace;and I substituted an extra letter L for added emphasis;hey,it works for me.So for this moment at least,I move up the mood chart to OK,and that will do,for I have come to expect very little in my waking hours,and consider anything other than my expectations an added bonus.For now at least,we can cope,you and I,and if there comes a time in my today when I cannot,That's the time when my Father in heaven will carry me,as He always does.Till tomorrow then,in my life,there is a whisper of peace.