In My Funk Again...
I still don't understand how things can be so good, then quickly go so bad again. You would think after years of putting up with al the crap, that we would be entitled to at least equal time for some warm,fuzzy GOOD stuff.
I do want to thank a bunch of very kind souls who continue to reach out and pull me back in again. I appreciate all of you who do care and have continued to put up with my yo-yo deal .
Right now, I am reminded once again of the incredible loneliness and ache i have deep in my heart. I worry that I may allow the fear I have handed so much of my life over to to take any chance that does come my way. Is a very sad existence. :(
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I saw this on a poster when I was going through the worst of my issues "Without Scary, We Don't Get to Be Brave". I kept reminding myself of this quote, realizing that I had let fear keep me in neutral for far too long. I wanted to think of myself as brave, so I had to face the scary to get to the brave part. And I was able to, and it was very scary.
VeggieQueen, do you have a therapist? I think it could do you a world of good to have such a person on your side. There's a significant difference, I believe, between support from friends/family versus support from a detached trained professional. They can take you outside of your own head and reflect back to you what they see - which is very eye opening. I didn't (aside from the marriage counselor) but was fortunate enough to find a free Coaching class being offered by the county women's services department. I was paired up with a coach whose job was to help me identify what were my priority goals in life, and then help me break down the steps I needed to get through to achieve those goals. My coach was relentless in not letting me distract myself from my goals over the course of those 13 weeks.
Coaching sessions are pretty expensive if you're paying, and I could never have afforded it if it wasn't free. Check out your county, see what they offer. My marriage counselor, and a therapist for my son cost me $40.00/hour with an in-network therapist. A real bargain, in my opinion!
Thanks. Yes the fear does keep me in neutral as well. Each day I intend to take another step, but have temporarily stalled. I could use a relentless counsellor to nudge me on my way. The attorney did want to give me local divorce support groups at our next meeting. I will ask her about it this as well.
Hugs my friend, it is a hard, painful road to travel on. I know, I did it. But one day you will wake up smiling more, and crying less. All we can do is not let that pain and fear rule our lives. I had a great therapist but she moved. It was provided by Sharelife and you do not have to pay if you cannot afford it. Any one can access it. One thing that I have learned is to be gentle with ourselves. Let those feelings wash over us and cry. Boy, I cried so much I thought my eyes were going to fall out. And if you see him, Smile, turn around and walk away. Heads up high, giggling without a care in the world. Then when you are alone, cry if you must. No Contact is the way to go if it is at all possible. You will be fine.
Thank you. But I am just getting started. (As jojored said...."stuck in neutral") A t this point, we are still under the same roof. Today, I would spend alot of time confiding in a new friend. As the day went on, I was so grateful to have someone give a damn and also confide in me as well. In the end though, it did remind me how incredibly lonely , unimportant and unloved I am (even with him in the next room)
What if after all is said and done, I realize i don't have all the strength and courage to do and be who I want? I am allowing the fear to creep in again.....fearing I may not be enough?
Hugs my friend. I forgot this. I lived with that "ex" for almost 1 year before he moved out and he still paid the bills until the I had to move out. He thought that he was going to claim that during the settlement. But in the end I got way more than he did. That burned him up. So heads up and smile You can do it. I rather be struggling with money than be with him.
Sweetie ,
You R NOT alone , VERY MUCH loved and extremely important.What does not kill you only makes you stronger .
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I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[a]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well
Psalm 139:14 (NKJV)
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You R going thru difficult times but you may learn valuable lessons from this trial.
GINORMOUS HUGS,☺☺♥♥Beth♥♥
Thank you all so much. I am climbing my way out of yet another funk. (I think I would like a trampoline to bounce right back ,oh so quick. ) lol
I can relate to how you’re feeling. Sometimes my spirit just drops down into the abyss and doesn’t rise back up for awhile. Sometimes I can pinpoint triggers that set this in motion, and other times I can’t explain it at all. I just hold on for the next time I can start feeling ok. I hope you’re on your way up.
Thank you. I am.
And I'm back down again. I feel like a damn yo-yo. I need to stop letting others reactions affect me..... and just worry about my own stuff.