In limbo

I have been having grief attacks more often lately.  My health hasn't been so good.  I have been having respitory problems and cough alot.  I have also had an infected area on both lower legs that doesn't seem to want to clearup.  I don't want to go to Kaiser because I don't trust them anymore after the way they treated my mom.  I haven't gotten a phone call from my nephew in a long time.  Talking to him always brought me back to reality.  I'm  feeling sorry for myself and am not sleeping well anymore.  I feel that I am alone and that no one would care if I disappeared.  Now that my mom is gone I don't feel I have any purpose.  I can't believe that it's been over 4 months since she died.  Where has the time gone?  I don't know how much long I can hold out.  I can't stand myself being so pathetic.  I keep telling myself that it will pass, that I'm tired.  I hope so.