In Despair and Afflicted
I lost my son 2 1/2 years ago to suicide. my only remaining child has been difficult, rebellious, manipulative and devious since her teenage years. She became pregnant out of wedlock and left her dad and me to care for the baby for the first 4 months, continued her life as a single personw/no responsibilities and no accountability for her inappropiate behavior.
After a period of escalation of her undesirable ways (she lived with us and we were supporting both her and our granddaughter) , she then decided to "punish" us when we insisted that she assume responsibility for her child and get involved in her life and begin a productive and meaningful lifestyle (always careful to use diplomacy in this urging, lest she go into one of her rages. This was seemingly, acquiescence but was, in fact, for the sake of our adoring grandchild).
She she stormed out with her baby and has not been in contact w/us nor has allowed her to know her whereabouts or to see the baby. Additionally, posts hateful, untruthful & hurtful messages about us on Facebook. I'm in despair & in constant worry about them. She has blocked us from any contact & is now a welfare mom. The baby's father is nowhere to be found. Her dad & I have tried every attempts to persuade her to come to her senses to no avail. We have sought help from the authorities, legal advice, CPS, etc, only to discover that grandparents have NO RIGHTS as ruled by the Supreme Court!
We are both professional parents who have always instilled moral, character and a work ethic in our children & are in a solid financial position, so it's devastating to have experienced such outcomes with both our children. Our son was a physycian, whom had never exhibited depression nor any signs that would lead him to take his own life.
We are told that our daughter neglects the baby, sleeps all day & the baby is developmentally regressed due to lack of stimulus, secluded in a squalid apt. and having cartoons on the TV acting as her continuous baby-sitter. . We are heartsick & have no options left. We are convinced she is sociopathic, so it's useless o appeal to her senses. Life has lost all luster for me and I can't sleep w/o Rx, and cry daily about all 3 of them. Unlike me, my husband is able to compartmentalize his emotions and refuses to yield to emotionalism. He is not receptive to reaching out any longer to our daughter as she has been so unjustifiably cruel to us both.
There just seems to be no solution.
After a period of escalation of her undesirable ways (she lived with us and we were supporting both her and our granddaughter) , she then decided to "punish" us when we insisted that she assume responsibility for her child and get involved in her life and begin a productive and meaningful lifestyle (always careful to use diplomacy in this urging, lest she go into one of her rages. This was seemingly, acquiescence but was, in fact, for the sake of our adoring grandchild).
She she stormed out with her baby and has not been in contact w/us nor has allowed her to know her whereabouts or to see the baby. Additionally, posts hateful, untruthful & hurtful messages about us on Facebook. I'm in despair & in constant worry about them. She has blocked us from any contact & is now a welfare mom. The baby's father is nowhere to be found. Her dad & I have tried every attempts to persuade her to come to her senses to no avail. We have sought help from the authorities, legal advice, CPS, etc, only to discover that grandparents have NO RIGHTS as ruled by the Supreme Court!
We are both professional parents who have always instilled moral, character and a work ethic in our children & are in a solid financial position, so it's devastating to have experienced such outcomes with both our children. Our son was a physycian, whom had never exhibited depression nor any signs that would lead him to take his own life.
We are told that our daughter neglects the baby, sleeps all day & the baby is developmentally regressed due to lack of stimulus, secluded in a squalid apt. and having cartoons on the TV acting as her continuous baby-sitter. . We are heartsick & have no options left. We are convinced she is sociopathic, so it's useless o appeal to her senses. Life has lost all luster for me and I can't sleep w/o Rx, and cry daily about all 3 of them. Unlike me, my husband is able to compartmentalize his emotions and refuses to yield to emotionalism. He is not receptive to reaching out any longer to our daughter as she has been so unjustifiably cruel to us both.
There just seems to be no solution.
Replies
My heart just breaks reading this. I\'m sure you have tried every avenue and will continue to. Have you involved social services as it feels they need to be. I am not trying to give solutions or fixed to a heartbreaking situation yet just wanting you to know that I am so very sorry for the loss of your son and now the terrifying anxiety over how to help your daughter and your grandchild. If she does not seek help or want a relationship it makes it such a uphill and endless battle ground. Deepest of sighs...
Please know that my thoughts are with you and I hope that your daughter will seek and find the help that she needs.
Hugs, Joanie
A very sincere and heartfelt prayer goes out to you tonight, that you can re-unite with your precious grandchild and that she can know your never ending love, and safety in your arms again -
As a grandmother of five, my reason for getting out of bed and living is for them. I am looking at my Con who is spending the first night in two years with me, sleeping. He is a big boy of nine, and it won`t be much longer that hanging out with his old gramma isn`t what he wants to do.I don`t know what I would do without their love. I am blessed with their parents willing to have me in their lives (steps and new). I find that parents can fend for themselves, and I have the utmost love for my two boys, but their children come first. My thoughts are with you and the dear baby.. G-
I\'m sorry to read your story. I can not begin to imagine. I wonder even though your daughter was a rebellious teenager, is she possibly rearing out of control as a result of her brothers death?
I ,too, will keep you in prayers and your daughter and grandbaby as well.
My thoughts and prayers are with you as I learn about your sad story. One of the big lessons I am learning on this torturous journey of bereaved parents is that time and patience can and will eventually at least ease the pain. I\'m thinking that your daughter is acting out, in part, because of her own sense of life being out of control since her brother\'s suicide. I\'m guessing that at some point your husband and you will find an answer of peace that will enable you to reunite with your precious daughter and granddaughter.
With love and tight hugs of comfort ~ Debbie
I am so sorry to hear this...I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. Losing a child is so horrible to begin get your head around...but then add all these additional heartaches is very tough to say the least. I hope that you will come here and journal...and perhaps this will somehow help. Please take gentle care of yourself and take one day...one moment at a time. Love and gentle hugs...Karen
You will be in my thoughts today. So will your little grandbaby. Loss of having her near and in your life is heartbreaking, as is the grief of your son\'s passing. Hope is the thing we cling to. Hope for this little ones safety and hope your daughter\'s heart will be softened. Please know that I care....XOXO Debbie
So so much for you to handle. I want to say I am so sorry for the loss of your son & the difficulties you are experiencing with your daughter. I hope in some way you can receive a measure of support here from other moms who are suffering & finding ways to cope.. I would like to offer my friendship as we strive to walk thru this difficult journey...many warm hugs....Vicki