In deep thought nd no way out...
I've been off here a while... I have so much going on and no idea where to start... I had to do another refund today... Now I understand the industry and know that some clients will always find something wrong eve if it was damn near perfect... I'm still struggling to get on my feet... yes I could stay here but this place isn't for me... I get so consumed by what she doesn't have that I over do my help and that leaves me short when it comes to my own stuff...
My grams was helping me out the best way she could and can't even do that any longer... So now Im forced to do for myself but again I'm struggling because financially she needs more as she has the younger kids... I was given the timeshare this year for my daughters birthday but have no ide how I'm going to pay for it... let alone rent, booth rent, or any other bills I have...
I feel I need to get a "real" job to compensate until I build my clientele better but I'm not sure that's a good move s I got my disability because I couldn't function well on a job...
I feel caged and the floor's falling there are no windows or doors ultimately no way out... I try to stay focused on good things and business and out of the way but that's wrong too...
I'm feeling I have no purpose again and everything is falling apart around me again...
The few that see me struggle and know what's going on say God this and God that... I'm tired of being tested... Why does he let so much bad happen to me? "They" say he never puts on you no more than you can bare... But why hasn't he noticed I'm not handling this!!! Everyday I wake up disappointed that I did wake up... it's like I'm just here to fuq up... I'm so tired...
My grams was helping me out the best way she could and can't even do that any longer... So now Im forced to do for myself but again I'm struggling because financially she needs more as she has the younger kids... I was given the timeshare this year for my daughters birthday but have no ide how I'm going to pay for it... let alone rent, booth rent, or any other bills I have...
I feel I need to get a "real" job to compensate until I build my clientele better but I'm not sure that's a good move s I got my disability because I couldn't function well on a job...
I feel caged and the floor's falling there are no windows or doors ultimately no way out... I try to stay focused on good things and business and out of the way but that's wrong too...
I'm feeling I have no purpose again and everything is falling apart around me again...
The few that see me struggle and know what's going on say God this and God that... I'm tired of being tested... Why does he let so much bad happen to me? "They" say he never puts on you no more than you can bare... But why hasn't he noticed I'm not handling this!!! Everyday I wake up disappointed that I did wake up... it's like I'm just here to fuq up... I'm so tired...
Replies
I\'ve read some of your journals. I think you do damn good for someone who says they can\'t read well.But I also understand the moods you get into.
I\'ve had a fucked up ride in life too.still do. so I understand you. God\'s not goin to give you anymore bs than you can handle? wft? I can\'t count my nervous breakdowns I\'ve had in life, I guess what they mean by not more than you can handle means until you put the bullet it in your head? another 1 ppl used to tell me ..you\'ll look back on this time someday & laugh about it ! bullshit ! 20 yrs later I still ain\'t laughin about when me my wife & kids were starving truly starving sometimes not eating for days & then when we did it was a pot of potatos boilin in water.. we had no electric or gas, no car, no foodstamps. you\'ll look back n laugh about this time ppl said ? hhmm I didn\'t know them to ever live this way. thibgs do get better , yeah they do but it takes forever to get there, but smile ,life sux anyways...
I can write but reading to comprehend is a struggle... but thanks for the compliment. and you are dead on with the sayings you get from people who are definitely NOT walking in either of our shoes.