In Case I Should Forget....
I was recently reminded of what does continue to fuel my path. It was a year and a half ago when I was reminded of all that this life does have to offer. ....also , lucky enough to come across some who would explain just what a relationship with someone who truly loves and cares foryou should be.
I have allowed guilt and fear rob me of many chances to try or do things I wanted . Then my cousin, just 2 years older than I would develop and very rapidly die from pancreatic cancer. This served as a wake up call. I still have been blessed with time left and could possibly change and reach toward some things I wish I had changed or done differently. As far as reaching out, sharing, communicating with other people.... I have done that (for you who know me now are well aware I am a curious chatterbox. lol) As far as being a bit braver and speaking up for myself and moving on....that one has been a little tougher.
Two days ago, I was rushing from the breakroom to punch in and head back to work.( I was plugging along, but preoccupied with some trivial stuff....latest arguments with stbx, not hearing from a friend who I was chatting with, things I have been procrastinating).
Then I saw an elderly man sitting on the bench. He and his wife come in every week .I can almost set my watch by them. Every Saturday when I go to or from lunch, there he will be. ... Taking his mid store break and pause from walking and shopping the entire store at one time. Sitting on the bench by the restrooms while his wife continued shopping with the cart. I asked how he was and saw an actual frown (Something he never had, he was always cheerful even when going through rough times) He did open up and share that they were preparing for the death of one of their children. She is only 2 years older than me as well.I would listen and try to offer wordsof kindness and support and a very long hug to help him with the tears (both his and mine)
I realize there are many people I do come in contact with on an almost daily basis who I have gotten to know and care about. That has been a blessing for all of us. This did put perspective on my trivial crap, but it does also remind me my clock is ticking. Again, I have this feeling of wasting precious time. None of us really know how much time we have.
Is funny because my other clock did tick out rather quickly (but I did have a late start at that one) and I would never feel life grow inside me or get to nurture and love a little person with all the love I never felt as a small child. My clock however is still going strong (I seem to have several snoozes) I need to realize all this wasted time and energy is precious.... Time to take the hint.
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No more hitting that snooze button, time to hide that clock and live in the now moment. I noticed yesterday on the springing forward and remarked how magnanimously generous it is of us to take managing time out of the celestial heavens control for our own purposes. Time to enjoy the time we are all left with from here on. Healing the wounds left from a previous time seems insurmountable as we peel that onion and see the many layers that have scarred over previous moments of hurt that has caused our own doubt within. Shake off our trap even if it means chewing our leg off to claim freedom and healing as our own. Time can and does heal these wounds and making whatever steps to take back control of our own time and destiny. You or I, we are the only ones that have responsibility for us. Wedding vows are nice sounding but when they’re used as a prison for the marriage then something needs to be examined closely. To her or him that feels the need to make you or I that prince or princess of fairytale romance to forge a cage of keeping for that relationship to continue to provide safekeeping for them then I would skim to the end pages and cheat the author of what they think the words mean. Rewrite the ending and just maybe your own book does end with the phrase, and they lived happily ever after, amen.
*claps hands* You know I always tell you about how my happily ever after has finally come (well with a few more curves around the bend!) after kissing those 3 frogs :P,
You can have it too! Just keep believing in yourself and ignore the stbx when he tries to discourage you. Keep talking to your lawyer and going on with the proceedings! You got this ;)
@ghostdancer... you are right as far as we humans selfishly reorganizing and restructuring things as basic as time. I do like your reference as far as peeling the onion. So many scars and pain are very well hidden. It is not only hard for us to uncover but also to reach others unless we look at exactly what we are facing.
As far as rewriting that ending...well, you all know how I do love to write. lol
@gregsbaby...Hmmm... counting stbx, I have just had my 3 frogs. haha
I'm sure neither of you remember, but in another post way back about finding that prince , I was quickly "informed" by quite afew of the guys that princes are highly overrated. After much discussion I would learn that a kind, mature well seasoned toad was a far better find.
So maybe, if i am lucky (or it is meant to be) My number 4 will be just that...a mature toad...and a keeper. haha
Wow. Hope. That’s comforting to know it’s out there. Even though I feel that my marriage has been unhappy and that we hurt our kids because of it I’ve been trying to help them understand why I was so distant. My son gave us a very surprise granddaughter so it’s like a second chance to not screw up now that I’m embracing sanity. Bests
I think you have decide what to do but remember :
ƸӜƷ•°*´✿*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*´✿இڿڰۣ-ڰۣ—♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥..இڿڰۣ-ڰۣ— •ƸӜƷ•°*´✿*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*´✿இڿڰۣ-ڰۣ—♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥..இڿڰۣ-ڰۣ— •ƸӜƷ•°*´✿*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*´✿
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28 King James Version (KJV)
❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ❀❀ツ
Lol! I love it lol! I'm going to have to call the hubz to be a seasoned toad and see what happens:D
And for the love of Pete whoever those folks that "informed" you princes are highly overrated are probably stuck with a frog that doesn't even get off their lily pad to catch flies with them on a daily basis :P (Yes that's me being the nasty girl than I am :P)
Gregsbaby, I think those who "informed" VQ were themselves men, aka frogs, toads, never to turn into a prince, lol. They didn't like the concept of being the one destined by fairy tale land to be responsible for making the princess happy. I think their mood turned a little too serious on that post!
Myself, I think toads are way better. They're more flexible, can hop up onto dry land and stay awhile, while most frogs need to be very close to their water.
I'm with you on feeling time slipping away. I now have wrinkles on my neck, and since I hate wearing things close to my neck, I see them every day. Just a reminder that I wasted so many years. Plus, two friends have had parents die in the past week. Both things serve as a reminder that our time here is of unknown duration. While that should serve as a wake up call and motivation to go find "life" it's kinda just making me sad.
Ladies..... I gotta tell ya..as far as the damn wrinkles creeping up on us......JERGEN'S SKIN FIRMING LOTION! I've been hooked on it for awhile. It firms up the skin everywhere.... boobs, butt, arms, legs, neck, (not supposed to, but I even use it under my eyes ) It is riht up there in my 3 TOP THINGS!!!! (still deciding if it rates first ,or second?haha)
@gregsbaby.... I did go back in my old posts and found the one on finding that prince. Til alll was said and done....we evolved from princes to frogs to swine. After being reinformed and doing some thinking of my own...... I decided I WOULD GLADLY SETTLE FOR A MATURE KIND SWINE. oink,oink. :p
@finallyawakenow.... the fact that you are trying to explain why you were so distant when things weren't so great in the past not only helps them to understand but it brings that hope around to them now as well. I think we are all very lucky to "wake up" while we still have time left.
Amen to that. Really tired of watching the river go by. Time for a swim