In a Holding Pattern
Things have settled into a weird kind of expectant calm. My husband has been doing well as far as I can tell. He is at the tail end of his weaning process and will be resuming one on one therapy (his therapist took a few weeks off). I have been encouraged by his ability to effectively communicate his feelings of apprehension and commitment to a substance free life. Although these conversations always initiated by me, his willingness to participate and his openness is a major improvement. So I remain (extremely) cautiously hopeful.
I have decided to continue with my own therapy, but have been able to decrease the frequency of visits to every other week. I find this extremely helpful in that I can discuss tools to be supportive yet not enable. I also feel validated in my decision to continue to pursue the interests and activities that helped me find myself again. And I am reminded that relapses occur and I will need to be emotionally prepared so I do not fall apart again. I also have found a place of balance within myself that allows me to remain firm in maintaining the boundaries I have set without the drama (and guilt) that previously accompanied those events. I can more easily walk away from discussions and/or arguments that are sliding into old, ineffective communication patterns. I am trying to be aware of my own issues and triggers and am working on becoming a better person myself.
One of the changes in a positive direction (that i had trouble committing to initially)is the institution of each Saturday as a kind of "date day". Nothing over the top or really even romantic, but time set aside to be with each other and leave the worries and pressures of addiction recovery and everyday stresses aside. We began doing this when my husband complained that I was never home, so I said that I was not going to sit around and watch him be miserable, so maybe he should ask me on a date!
All in all, I like myself better now, I can see myself with more clarity and although i am just another struggling human being, I can see how much I have grown even when I thought I was a major failure. The struggles and adversities seemed to have been a catalyst for change, and I think I would endure it again to get to this place.
I have decided to continue with my own therapy, but have been able to decrease the frequency of visits to every other week. I find this extremely helpful in that I can discuss tools to be supportive yet not enable. I also feel validated in my decision to continue to pursue the interests and activities that helped me find myself again. And I am reminded that relapses occur and I will need to be emotionally prepared so I do not fall apart again. I also have found a place of balance within myself that allows me to remain firm in maintaining the boundaries I have set without the drama (and guilt) that previously accompanied those events. I can more easily walk away from discussions and/or arguments that are sliding into old, ineffective communication patterns. I am trying to be aware of my own issues and triggers and am working on becoming a better person myself.
One of the changes in a positive direction (that i had trouble committing to initially)is the institution of each Saturday as a kind of "date day". Nothing over the top or really even romantic, but time set aside to be with each other and leave the worries and pressures of addiction recovery and everyday stresses aside. We began doing this when my husband complained that I was never home, so I said that I was not going to sit around and watch him be miserable, so maybe he should ask me on a date!
All in all, I like myself better now, I can see myself with more clarity and although i am just another struggling human being, I can see how much I have grown even when I thought I was a major failure. The struggles and adversities seemed to have been a catalyst for change, and I think I would endure it again to get to this place.
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