In A Funk Again
I'm funky, and not in a good way. I did my 2 mile walk today, but I had to sit a bunch of times. But the important thing is I got it done. I didn't sit as much as that day that I considered my walk a failure, and I sat for less time. Still, my goal is to be able to do it without sitting. I just had no energy today. I slept last night, and when I did have the energy to go for my walk it started to rain, so I stayed home. I went out later once it cleared up again, and it was a fight the whole time. I was fighting my body thinking if I just pushed myself more it would get easier. Well, it didn't get easier, but I was able to finish the whole 2 miles with less than 10 minutes of sitting the whole time. I sat 4 times, so that's about 2 minutes per sit, which isn't too bad. I'm trying to think of the positives instead of focusing on the negatives, since all I want to do is focus on the negative.
After my walk, I came home and took a nice nap. I'm still tired, but that nap helped. I feel like I should be able to sleep well tonight. I got about 13 hours of sleep last night. I woke up at 8am today, ready to go, but I had to take a klonopin to go back to sleep. 8 hours when I'm not doing well is asking to go hypomanic, so I went back to sleep. It seems today all my sleep has been broken. I keep waking up when I want to sleep through. The nap I took was more like a series of short naps, one after the other. Like, 5-10 minute naps for an hour. I would call them nappies, but that means diapers to some people, and the last thing I want people thinking is that I'm taking diapers LOL! I like making up cute names for things, like calling my laptop a laptoppie. I know I'm weird, but whatever. I just want to do cute things.
Mood today has been neutral. I haven't really felt awake enough to know how I'm doing. Besides being funky, but that funky is because I've been tired. When I woke up at 8 this morning, I was feeling good, but I knew that it was a recipe for disaster to keep going on just 8 hours of sleep. I didn't fall asleep till midnight last night, which is better than the night before of 1am. I don't know what I need to do to get myself feeling good again. I want to have another good month, but I don't know what I did to get August to be such a good month. I'm not going to check myself into the hospital for no reason just to see if the hospital spurred up a good mood. I don't feel suicidal, so I don't need to be in the hospital. I hope I don't have to go in later with my period coming, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it. I don't know how my TOM is going to affect me this time around.
I finished my pack of birth control pills last night.... so I should be getting my period soon. Maybe that's why I'm in a funk. I know what's coming, and I'm not looking forward to it. I wish I could just get it over with. I have no control over it from now on until it's over with and I get back on birth control. I don't like losing control of stuff, especially my body. I have to have everything in such control so I can feel okay, and knowing that I'm about to enter a time where I don't know what's going to happen is not good for me. I don't think anyone likes losing control, but I'm a control freak. I need to have that control so I can feel better. It's a comfort thing to me.
Food today wasn't too good... I've been low on my calories again. Last night I made up a bit of what I was missing with a peanut butter sandwich, but tonight I'm full and I don't think I will be eating later. I'm at 1,200 calories again. My goal for the week is to get over that 1,550 mark at least 5 days, and I'm at day 1 and I'm 0 for 1. I did manage to lose weight this week, which is good since I did meet my calorie goal for 4 out of the 7 days, and the fifth day I was close. I also want to walk 2.5 miles on Thursday.
Those are my goals for the week. Meet my calories and walk more. I want to get ready for that 5k I'm doing, and so I need to walk. I didn't walk at all last week, so that's why it was so hard today. I'm hoping that walking today will have woken my body back up to walking longer distances, even if I did stop to rest. Stress was unknown today, since I don't know how I'm doing, and sleep was good in the night and broken for naps. Mood is funky, so I'm going to put okay since I don't feel great, or even good anymore. I don't feel bad, so it's just going to stay at okay.
After my walk, I came home and took a nice nap. I'm still tired, but that nap helped. I feel like I should be able to sleep well tonight. I got about 13 hours of sleep last night. I woke up at 8am today, ready to go, but I had to take a klonopin to go back to sleep. 8 hours when I'm not doing well is asking to go hypomanic, so I went back to sleep. It seems today all my sleep has been broken. I keep waking up when I want to sleep through. The nap I took was more like a series of short naps, one after the other. Like, 5-10 minute naps for an hour. I would call them nappies, but that means diapers to some people, and the last thing I want people thinking is that I'm taking diapers LOL! I like making up cute names for things, like calling my laptop a laptoppie. I know I'm weird, but whatever. I just want to do cute things.
Mood today has been neutral. I haven't really felt awake enough to know how I'm doing. Besides being funky, but that funky is because I've been tired. When I woke up at 8 this morning, I was feeling good, but I knew that it was a recipe for disaster to keep going on just 8 hours of sleep. I didn't fall asleep till midnight last night, which is better than the night before of 1am. I don't know what I need to do to get myself feeling good again. I want to have another good month, but I don't know what I did to get August to be such a good month. I'm not going to check myself into the hospital for no reason just to see if the hospital spurred up a good mood. I don't feel suicidal, so I don't need to be in the hospital. I hope I don't have to go in later with my period coming, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it. I don't know how my TOM is going to affect me this time around.
I finished my pack of birth control pills last night.... so I should be getting my period soon. Maybe that's why I'm in a funk. I know what's coming, and I'm not looking forward to it. I wish I could just get it over with. I have no control over it from now on until it's over with and I get back on birth control. I don't like losing control of stuff, especially my body. I have to have everything in such control so I can feel okay, and knowing that I'm about to enter a time where I don't know what's going to happen is not good for me. I don't think anyone likes losing control, but I'm a control freak. I need to have that control so I can feel better. It's a comfort thing to me.
Food today wasn't too good... I've been low on my calories again. Last night I made up a bit of what I was missing with a peanut butter sandwich, but tonight I'm full and I don't think I will be eating later. I'm at 1,200 calories again. My goal for the week is to get over that 1,550 mark at least 5 days, and I'm at day 1 and I'm 0 for 1. I did manage to lose weight this week, which is good since I did meet my calorie goal for 4 out of the 7 days, and the fifth day I was close. I also want to walk 2.5 miles on Thursday.
Those are my goals for the week. Meet my calories and walk more. I want to get ready for that 5k I'm doing, and so I need to walk. I didn't walk at all last week, so that's why it was so hard today. I'm hoping that walking today will have woken my body back up to walking longer distances, even if I did stop to rest. Stress was unknown today, since I don't know how I'm doing, and sleep was good in the night and broken for naps. Mood is funky, so I'm going to put okay since I don't feel great, or even good anymore. I don't feel bad, so it's just going to stay at okay.
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