In A Funk

I'm in a funk this week.  Feeling down - not my normal self.  Well, what's normal anymore?   I think I've caught my stbx in another lie but I'm not positive.  I know it shouldn't matter anymore, but my mind wanders and creates all kinds of havoc with my heart.  He said he had an interview down by the Michigan/Ohio border on Thursday night and wouldn't be back for the weekend.  I can assume, I guess. that after his interview, he went to stay with his buddy Joe who lives in Ohio and hunted all weekend.  This is probably exactly what he did. But.....his best friend told me his interview was in Grosse Pointe, which is only 1/2 hour from home.  I don't know if his friend was mistaken or if maybe my stbx had 2 interviews, but my mind wants me to believe that he lied to me and his parents and he's off on a lovefest weekend.  I know this is stupid of me to even bother to have thoughts like this.  I don't even think its the thought of him with someone else that bothers me as much as being lied to by him.  God I trusted this man for 23 years 100%.  100% !!!!!!!  I don't believe a word he says anymore and that really hurts me.   The kids don't want to decorate the tree.  I have lights on it and no ornaments.  I have 1 wreath up and nothing else, no other Christmas decorations - it just doesn't seem like Christmas to me.  Maybe because I haven't bought not one single present.  I guess if I could have shopped for Christmas like normal, it would seem like Christmas.   Between Christmas Eve at the inlaws, Christmas Day with no presents, New Years Eve which is an anniversary of sorts (last year he decided on New Years Eve that he was done even though I didn't find out until Feb 18) my car breaking down AGAIN and my fiancial situation, I'm in a funk.  Just plain down and out.  The funny thing is I'm not upset about my pending divorce as much as I am about my situation as a whole.    My stbx almost isn't even a factor in my feelings right now.  Just everything coming at me all at once.   I cannot wait for New Years Eve to be over with so 2009 can begin.  I have a good feeling about 2009 and I am anxious for it to get started.  I just keep thinking if I can get through Christmas and New Years Eve then things will start looking up from that point on.   I am trying throughout this whole mess to keep a positive attitude.  It's hard sometimes though.  It has been such an unbelieveabily bad year for me.  2008 was by far the worst year of my whole life.  Not just the stbx leaving and divorcing me after 23 years, but the bankruptcy, the foreclosure, moving, being totally broke for almost 9 months, my heart ablasion (which was scary) .  There is no way on God's earth that 2009 can be any worse than 2008 so I just want it to get here already. I pray and wish that 2009 is a breakthrough year for all us who have been hurt and broken this past year.  I pray and wish that each and everyone one of us here on DS find the strength, courage and fortitude to embrace 2009 as a beginning to a whole new and happier life. I for one am looking forward to it.  I hate 2008, I'll be fine in 2009.