Important Update to the fight
What a blessing it was to find a wonderful friend on DS who happened to be online at 2 a.m. when I was falling apart. My sweet and WISE friend suggested that I might have worded things a bit more gently when talking to my husband...hmm. Yes, I sort of say what I'm thinking, where my DH is more TACTFUL about what comes out of his mouth. Anyhow, I did something that is very hard to do when you are 100% sure you are right...lol...and you are as stubborn as I am....I went quietly into Sophia's room where she was tossing and turning in pain. My DH was on the floor with one of Sophia's little tiny little baby blankets on him (remember he has back, hip & knee problems) and he was in a horrible spot..looking miserable. I got down next to him and just told him I was sorry for hurting him...that I love him and that I missed him and wondered if we could talk.
I'm so grateful I had the right encouragement at that moment because I was feeling so angry that I couldn't see straight. Anger is of course a secondary emotion, and my underlying emotion was hurt...hurt because I HEARD exactly what I said to him...that he must be thinking it was a good thing our baby died. I know he wasn't trying to hurt me...and I know he doesn't THINK that, but it seemed that way.
Anyhow, we ended up holding each other and talking and crying all night. He is wonderful and so amazing...but he needs prayer for his devastated heart. He is deeply grieving our Matthew, but he is also distraught about losing his job. The job part doesn't hurt me in the way he is letting it destroy him, so I have to understand his world has crashed in on him...we also have poor Sophia to make us feel worthless, helpless and like we aren't providing adequate care for her (or else her pain would STOP!) Some day, I'll write about all the other horrible things hitting us right now, but these are the ones that are in our face 24/7.
What a LIFESAVER and MARRIAGE SAVER you all are at DS!! Honestly, I can't imagine when the tension would have broken. My DH and I do NOT argue like that...EVER. This was the worst fight of our lives and I was digging my heels in to my self-righteous position...not destined to create peace. My DH is always the peacemaker, but he was so shattered by what I said and I've never tested him that way before. :-(
It is essentially a happy ending to the worst fight of our lives. But, today I decided to attend a MOPS group for the first time...yeah. STUPID! Surrounded by pregnant women and happy people, I kept BURSTING INTO TEARS. ARGH! Have I said that I am NOT A CRY-er!!! Not even when I'm pregnant...I don't turn into an emotional mess. That isn't me! And I can't stop!
They asked how they could pray for us and I fell totally apart and couldn't speak. I was wracked with sobs and finally just said, "Please ask Jesus to take Sophia's pain away...give it to me...I can't watch her hurting anymore. Pray for her doctors that they have wisdom and aggressively find answers for her." Pretty soon we were the ONLY table in the whole room where everyone was bawling. LOL Nice. Maybe I need to stay in a cave for a while...
Thank you ALL for love and support and compassion. I'd be lost without you! And thank you especially to the angel that was online at 2 a.m. for me!! :-)
I'm so grateful I had the right encouragement at that moment because I was feeling so angry that I couldn't see straight. Anger is of course a secondary emotion, and my underlying emotion was hurt...hurt because I HEARD exactly what I said to him...that he must be thinking it was a good thing our baby died. I know he wasn't trying to hurt me...and I know he doesn't THINK that, but it seemed that way.
Anyhow, we ended up holding each other and talking and crying all night. He is wonderful and so amazing...but he needs prayer for his devastated heart. He is deeply grieving our Matthew, but he is also distraught about losing his job. The job part doesn't hurt me in the way he is letting it destroy him, so I have to understand his world has crashed in on him...we also have poor Sophia to make us feel worthless, helpless and like we aren't providing adequate care for her (or else her pain would STOP!) Some day, I'll write about all the other horrible things hitting us right now, but these are the ones that are in our face 24/7.
What a LIFESAVER and MARRIAGE SAVER you all are at DS!! Honestly, I can't imagine when the tension would have broken. My DH and I do NOT argue like that...EVER. This was the worst fight of our lives and I was digging my heels in to my self-righteous position...not destined to create peace. My DH is always the peacemaker, but he was so shattered by what I said and I've never tested him that way before. :-(
It is essentially a happy ending to the worst fight of our lives. But, today I decided to attend a MOPS group for the first time...yeah. STUPID! Surrounded by pregnant women and happy people, I kept BURSTING INTO TEARS. ARGH! Have I said that I am NOT A CRY-er!!! Not even when I'm pregnant...I don't turn into an emotional mess. That isn't me! And I can't stop!
They asked how they could pray for us and I fell totally apart and couldn't speak. I was wracked with sobs and finally just said, "Please ask Jesus to take Sophia's pain away...give it to me...I can't watch her hurting anymore. Pray for her doctors that they have wisdom and aggressively find answers for her." Pretty soon we were the ONLY table in the whole room where everyone was bawling. LOL Nice. Maybe I need to stay in a cave for a while...
Thank you ALL for love and support and compassion. I'd be lost without you! And thank you especially to the angel that was online at 2 a.m. for me!! :-)
Replies
I am so happy to hear that someone was online and able to be there for you in the way u needed. I am also so happy to hear that you and your dh were able to talk, cry and reconcile. I will keep you in my daily prayers as well as your sweet sophia....luv and hugs
Honey I am so happy that you guys worked it out. You are both going to be okay. Time will heal those raw and painful wounds. Just be patient and gentle with each other. I feel so bad about your little Sophia. Do they have idea about what is causing her pain? Sounds like some form of neuropathy (spelled wrong I am sure). My friend\'s husband had it and it reduce a grown man to tears and that was only in his feet. It almost sounds like fibromyalsia (spelled wrong again) as well. My SIL has that but she is older and takes medication that helps control the pain. I hope and pray that the doctors figure out something very soon. Life can be so unfair and frustrating when the ones you love most are hurting. Here\'s to your enitre fanily getting some good luck and happy days very soon. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. XO :)
I am glad to hear that things are better. Praying for you and your family.
I\'m so glad God placed someone online at the exact right time that you needed to chat. I\'m equally glad that you were able to swallow your pride, apologize and talk things out. It\'s hard to be the first one to say something but I\'m glad you did. Keep pressing into God to heal your heart and your hubby\'s.
I\'m SO glad that you worked it out. I hope you continue to help each other through your grief & lean on each other for comfort. :o)