Importance/Worth
I have made terrible choices lately to try and cope with depression and anxiety. I really struggle when my daughter is gone, like I lose all meaning and purpose to living. I completely forget that she needs me. Its horrible that I need her as much as I do but since she came home from her dads yesterday my depression has improved a lot. I have a reason to get up in the morning, to check in with her and see how she's doing, to hug her and be annoying and make her laugh, to meet her needs. Maybe I am just really lonely right now in my life. She shouldn't have to deal with a mom with so much mental illness. She deserves better, but I do my best when she's with me and fortunately she has 4 other parents. Don't ask! lol. My gratitude today is having her home with me, taking her to the doctor and dentist before school starts. Being able to get out of bed today to take care of my girl. This isn't always the case. Sometimes I feel like I can't, but I am wrong 99% of the time, she does need me.
Replies
OMG. I feel the same way. My life line is my kids. I have been a single parent for 9 years. They are now 15 and 16. I have been the sole caregiver and provider. We don\'t want to be depressed. Our situation is making us feel that way. I know exactly how you feel. I often think of the time when they will not need me anymore. What then?
Dliq, thanks for the message. I have sole custody of my daughter who is almost 15, though I\'ve been fortunate that she has so much support around her. But yes as she needs me less and less I find myself wondering what I\'ll do when she leaves. Other people have told me they always need you, that it never stops. Scares me a little, that no matter how miserable I am I will need to keep keeping on for her forever. Its worth it of course, but difficult at times. Hope I don\'t let her down.
I can so relate ...it was so hard when my last child left home ...but ..they are never farther than a phone call ....and they do want to be in there lives ..but rember we bring them up so that they can go out into this big world and make it on ther owen ..and so we have to give them more and more responsibility ...untill they are ready to fly .....they will always come back ....I adjusted ....started painting again ...............but ......now ...when my h goes to the trap camp ..or hunting ....I just ...well it is like I just walk off a clif ...into the deapest pit ...of depreshion ..I can\'t stay alone ...or I will be crying the hole time he is gone I can\'t even open the curating ...I often won\'t answer the phone .....but if I leve with in two hours ...witch is about when I get up ....and go to stay with my son ...I do much better .....or if ...my son isent going to be home I need somthing ....to help me ...then ...I am not to bad .....and as soon as he gets home I get back to normal ..my normal ...I am no longer .at the botom of that pit ..I can\'t explain it ..to me it makes no sence ...how ..it happenes ....you won\'t let her Dowen ..just keep on keeping on ...that is what she needs ....I feel the same ...as you ...I will never stop fighting .....never ....take care ...wanted to say ....as she is gone more and more ..living her life ...look for somthing to keep your mind occupied ..a hoby ...of any kind ...start now it will be easer later if you have somthing in place ...I keep you in my prayers ...God bless
Thanks muskrattiger, I do need a hobby or something else in place to feel like I have a reason to live beyond being needed by someone. I\'m grateful you can stay with your son sometimes when your husband leaves. They so help us stay grounded and help us remember why we continue on when we feel we can\'t. I hope by the time my daughter moves out I find another reason to keep going, keep living. I am so terrified of letting her down. Today was difficult as she expressed how she feels I\'m not trying to better my life. She doesn\'t understand how hard things are for me to just get out of bed, and get a job. I hope I can get one soon so I don\'t let her down. I just feel so dysfunctional, incompetent, and a complete basket case. Work sounds overwhelming but I will do my best to get a job. Thanks for your response. I really hope you find comfort in knowing how much we care about you and are here to support you through this difficult time with your dad. Hugs!