Im the girl..
Im the girl who is glued to her cell phone 24/7, in the event that it should ring.
My heart stops when I hear it chime, wondering if it is you. It goes everywhere with me... in the bathroom just outside the shower door each morning, next to my bed while I sleep, never to be found in the bottom of my purse. And everyone around me knows that should it ring, I will take that call no matter what I am doing, saying, thinking, feeling at any given time.
Im the girl who cries when she sees the evening news, displaying details of another loss of life in this war.
The girl who stops to watch a flag waving in the breeze and to tie yellow ribbons around my trees.
The girl who never, ever, ever removes these dog tags of yours that hang around my neck. A physical reminder and way to keep you close to my heart. I certainly cant sneak up on anyone wearing these, and I always give myself away walking into a room. I can feel your energy in them....it transmits through the metal right into the very core of me.
Im the girl who has many sleepless nights...wondering where you are, are you ok, what you are doing in that very moment.
Are you faced with the enemy?
Are you safe? Are your buddies safe?
Are you sitting in the chow tent?
Are you outside the wire?
Is it noisy right now, or do you get used to the gunfire and it drowns itself out of your ears?
Are you sleeping on the sand and gravel trying to catch a cat nap, if only for 3 minutes?
Im the girl whose heart aches without you here, yet it smiles waiting for your return, all at the same time.
Im the girl who cries herself to sleep at night clutching onto a coin that was given to you by Admiral Mullen. It does have magic powers, you know, for helping me drift off.
The girl who wanders around town in a little zip up hoodie that says "my hero wears combat boots" and a bumper sticker on my Jeep that says "My GI Joe Can Kick Your Ken's Ass"
The girl who has to remind herself to breathe every now and then....to slow down, to remind myself that its all going to be ok. The girl who puts on a brave smiley face on the outside..but is tied in knots on the inside.
The girl who prays every second of the day for your safety, the girl who appreciates every sacrifice you make, the girl who admires and respects what you do for all of us.
The girl who cant wait until you come home,
I often wonder if you got to shower this morning or sometime in the last 3 days?
Did you get to eat today?
And if by chance so, was it one of those nasty MRE's that you hate so much?
Are your feet blistered and sore?
I wonder if you are thinking about me.
If you still carry the medicine bag I sent you off with in your sleeve, along with a somewhat naughty and risque picture of me in the pocket of your patrol cap.
I wonder about the horrors you have seen and the lives you have saved
I wonder if you see the same stars in the nighttime sky as I do here.
I wonder if I will see you again...and what it will be like to be in your arms once more.
Will you be the same? Will I be the same? Will we be the same?
I hope this time passes by soon.
I hope that you know that you are loved and missed.....
and that I really, truly cant put all of the thoughts I have about this into writing.
This is just the tip of the iceberg.
And now I wonder..and hope..and question..
If I am the girl... who is enough.
My heart stops when I hear it chime, wondering if it is you. It goes everywhere with me... in the bathroom just outside the shower door each morning, next to my bed while I sleep, never to be found in the bottom of my purse. And everyone around me knows that should it ring, I will take that call no matter what I am doing, saying, thinking, feeling at any given time.
Im the girl who cries when she sees the evening news, displaying details of another loss of life in this war.
The girl who stops to watch a flag waving in the breeze and to tie yellow ribbons around my trees.
The girl who never, ever, ever removes these dog tags of yours that hang around my neck. A physical reminder and way to keep you close to my heart. I certainly cant sneak up on anyone wearing these, and I always give myself away walking into a room. I can feel your energy in them....it transmits through the metal right into the very core of me.
Im the girl who has many sleepless nights...wondering where you are, are you ok, what you are doing in that very moment.
Are you faced with the enemy?
Are you safe? Are your buddies safe?
Are you sitting in the chow tent?
Are you outside the wire?
Is it noisy right now, or do you get used to the gunfire and it drowns itself out of your ears?
Are you sleeping on the sand and gravel trying to catch a cat nap, if only for 3 minutes?
Im the girl whose heart aches without you here, yet it smiles waiting for your return, all at the same time.
Im the girl who cries herself to sleep at night clutching onto a coin that was given to you by Admiral Mullen. It does have magic powers, you know, for helping me drift off.
The girl who wanders around town in a little zip up hoodie that says "my hero wears combat boots" and a bumper sticker on my Jeep that says "My GI Joe Can Kick Your Ken's Ass"
The girl who has to remind herself to breathe every now and then....to slow down, to remind myself that its all going to be ok. The girl who puts on a brave smiley face on the outside..but is tied in knots on the inside.
The girl who prays every second of the day for your safety, the girl who appreciates every sacrifice you make, the girl who admires and respects what you do for all of us.
The girl who cant wait until you come home,
I often wonder if you got to shower this morning or sometime in the last 3 days?
Did you get to eat today?
And if by chance so, was it one of those nasty MRE's that you hate so much?
Are your feet blistered and sore?
I wonder if you are thinking about me.
If you still carry the medicine bag I sent you off with in your sleeve, along with a somewhat naughty and risque picture of me in the pocket of your patrol cap.
I wonder about the horrors you have seen and the lives you have saved
I wonder if you see the same stars in the nighttime sky as I do here.
I wonder if I will see you again...and what it will be like to be in your arms once more.
Will you be the same? Will I be the same? Will we be the same?
I hope this time passes by soon.
I hope that you know that you are loved and missed.....
and that I really, truly cant put all of the thoughts I have about this into writing.
This is just the tip of the iceberg.
And now I wonder..and hope..and question..
If I am the girl... who is enough.
Replies
That was beautiful :) - thanks for sharing with us.
you are enough!!! thanks for sharing this with all of us :}
Eloquent. From the heart, from the soul. Thank you for sharing it, and for the window you gave your friends. I feel like I know you better....And there is a lump in my throat now, for all of the women and families that wait....and sit by the phone....and pray...
What they said, those above me here :)
Love you.
Being in my head right now is like being in a bad neighborhood.... I dont think I am enough. What if I am repeating yet another scenario like I did with my ex husband? I wasnt enough for him either.