Im not sure

Living with an eating disorder throughout most of your life makes adulthood exceptionally more difficult to accomplish. You spend years of your adolescence not planning any sort of future, having zero dreams or goals, because you just don't see yourself making it that far. You don't expect a long life, a future, any sort of love story or successful dream career because you aren't going to live that long. Either because you plan on taking your own life to escape, or because deep underneath your denial, you know what you're doing is going to kill you, sooner rather than later. Recovery just a little blip on the radar that you aren't paying mind to, because you're not sick, you're just too strong to give up now, you've gotten so far.

It's like your body is asleep but you're awake at the same time. It's like everyone around you is walking through air, but you're walking underwater, and you just want to walk like everyone else instead of lean how to swim. It's like trying to walk in a straight line after someone just spun you around in circles for what feels like an eternity.