Im losing myself
I have been dealing with this illness since december i think. Right lung PE. Im feeling depressed and scared out my mind all the time. While in the hospital for my pe the found a spot on my liver had to get many test for that. Blood was found in my urine still getting test for that which is very scary the test i hyave been taking is something i wouldnt wish on my enemy. Im taking the lovanox shot twice a day for 6 monthat im only a month and a half into it. Im running out of places to give myself the shot because of brusing and lumps and swelling and pain lots of pain. I dont know how much more i can take i am lossing my mind. It seems to be one thing after another.
I am very tired of going back and forth to the ER. I have been to many specialist and doctors appointments. Pricked and poked. I am not complaining i just needed to get this off my chest. I know it could have been much much worst.
I am Very thankful and grateful things didnt get as horrible as i heard they could have. But im just wanting to get back to my life. Back to me i miss being able to travel and not be scared out my mind. I miss being able to get up and go to work. Well kinda on that last one lol.
Im in pain alll the time i feel like im very emotional and on edge at the same time. I want to stay in bed because im to tired to do anything. And i dont even have the energy to get up and cook or clean at all.
My husband has been great through all this. He has stepped in and taking over for me cooking and cleaning. Getting our son to school helping with home work being there for me every moment of the day. Which he has been doing before all this but it makes me feel horrible that he is doing it on his own. And still working his job at that. I worry about him getting sick. I really need him to take a break.
I dont know i feel like some may think im ungrateful but im really thankful. I just need a lil noramlness lol back in my life. Or atleast some sleep at night to help give me some energy for the day.
My son has been out of school since thursday and i really dont have the energy to do anything. We were supposedto go to the movies and go bowling. Then my husband and i had dinner reservactions but i went to er and had stomach virus dont know where i got it from.
And now im having pain in my chest. It hurst just sitting and when i breath in. Im wanting to go to ER but i dont know if its just normal healing pain or something that needs to be checked out. I just dont know what to do...
I am very tired of going back and forth to the ER. I have been to many specialist and doctors appointments. Pricked and poked. I am not complaining i just needed to get this off my chest. I know it could have been much much worst.
I am Very thankful and grateful things didnt get as horrible as i heard they could have. But im just wanting to get back to my life. Back to me i miss being able to travel and not be scared out my mind. I miss being able to get up and go to work. Well kinda on that last one lol.
Im in pain alll the time i feel like im very emotional and on edge at the same time. I want to stay in bed because im to tired to do anything. And i dont even have the energy to get up and cook or clean at all.
My husband has been great through all this. He has stepped in and taking over for me cooking and cleaning. Getting our son to school helping with home work being there for me every moment of the day. Which he has been doing before all this but it makes me feel horrible that he is doing it on his own. And still working his job at that. I worry about him getting sick. I really need him to take a break.
I dont know i feel like some may think im ungrateful but im really thankful. I just need a lil noramlness lol back in my life. Or atleast some sleep at night to help give me some energy for the day.
My son has been out of school since thursday and i really dont have the energy to do anything. We were supposedto go to the movies and go bowling. Then my husband and i had dinner reservactions but i went to er and had stomach virus dont know where i got it from.
And now im having pain in my chest. It hurst just sitting and when i breath in. Im wanting to go to ER but i dont know if its just normal healing pain or something that needs to be checked out. I just dont know what to do...
Replies
How are you feeling today?
@rmb Hello, I\'m actually feeling a lil better today. Chest pain is not as bad, out doesn\'t hurt that bad to breath in and I finally got some much needed rest yesterday. And I\'m thinking about going to work today. I\'m hoping it continues too get better. Thank you for checking in on me. That means alot to me that you took time out see how i was feeling. How are you today?
You\'re welcome. I think sometimes there\'s this pure panic, and the lack of sleep for sure, that just heightens EVERYTHING, including pain and discomfort. Surrender, you know. Just surrender that this is how it\'s going to be for a little bit. Also, it\'s good to try to do little things that make you feel normal, like trying to work. You\'re gonna be really tired from that but it\'s ok. As much as I feel like I\'m going to die when I\'m exhausted, it really won\'t kill me. You are ok. Keep telling yourself that even if it feels like a lie. At some point, not only will you start to believe it but you\'ll start to feel it too.
Me? I got no complaints, sister
Im trying to adjust to that fact, that this is how its going to be. It is very hard to grasp that. And your so right i am realizing the things that irratates it. This is a very hard thing to deal with. My doctor keep saying i have to relax and i need to know this was a very tramatic thing my body and life just went through and i have to understand like you stated its going to be like this for a while. But i was such an up and go get things done kinda lady that im haveing hard time just taking it easy. I used to work 11 hours a day 7 days a week and now im not really working at all. Boy is this a tuff pill to swallow. Im going to do that keep telling myself im ok. Hopefully my brain will get it. I will take all the advice i can get to help deal with this..
Good to hear your doing good lets me know i can get there to someday.
Yeah I get the work thing. I work a lot too, and I went back a couple of weeks after diagnosis, and I\'m not going to lie. It was very hard. But I was so happy to be doing something normal and engaging with my co workers and friends. It felt good just to be in the world again. It\'s important to do that for your mental and emotional well being. Plus it\'s a good distraction. For me, there was no stronger medicine that some breakdowns with a therapist AND thinking about something else.
Sounds like you have compassionate doctor. Half the battle is won right there.
Went to work today, and started to have pain and discomfort, But i pushed through but will not be going in tomorrow. I think i may just give it a few more days but your right it felt good to be back in the office and doing what i love, Helping others. But i found myself thinking how can i help get people better if im not better. And I started to feel really bad about thinking like that. Im a Medical/personal Asst so im always helping someone get better and i love it and dont want to start to dislike my job because i am not well, when thats my passion. I LOVE HELPING OTHERS.
Yes very compassionate, I love my doctors their actually a team maybe about 4 of them all together. They are in the same office and all were hands on with me while in the hospital and for my after care. I love them they are great. The last two appointments i had i actually broke down in their office and they all came running in giving me hugs and letting me know it was going to be ok and im doing good just have to allow myself to recover. I love them. And they gave me anxiety meds lol.
Its great chatting with someone who gets it.
Well you don\'t have to go back full steam ahead, right? I\'m proud of you for trying. You need to know what a huge step that is, and that a lot of people are too afraid to do that. Or they stay at home waiting for this moment where they\'ll feel 100% back to normal. If you do that, you\'d be home for a few months, and that isn\'t healthy, not physically, mentally or emotionally.
I bet everyone was so happy to see you. I\'ve worked at the same company for a really long time and was very moved by the outpouring of support and concern for me when I went back to work. It was quite overwhelming. Lot of things to process after an event like this, and to me, 20% was actually the physical part. The rest was just getting my head on straight and finding my way.
Love AND anxiety meds ... sounds like a match made in heaven!