im just not going to do anything.

i just dont know what to do anymore. so im just not going to do anything. cuz im just so tired of her telling me things and then me seeing that she really doesn't mean it afterwards.  my biggest wish is that if it were possible for her to actually have time for me in her life. cuz most of the time she doesn't at all and even after all this time it still hurts just as much as it did years ago. i still can't believe she told me that i am her closest friend, it hurts cuz she isn't treating me like it at all. if she can't back it up with her actions that i wish she wouldn't tell me things like that, if you know you can't make it happen or want it to happen. so since she gets mad at me for bringing up things like this, im just not going to do anything at all, im not going to contact her in anyway and just over all do nothing at all, cuz its not worth getting my hopes up and then getting hurt again.  i dont think she loves me like i love her.  cuz within the last 4 years it doesn't seem like she loves me at all anymore, i dont get what happened, i could tell before 4 years ago she loved me so much now it doesnt feel like she loves me at all. something changed around 4 years ago, i wonder what it is for her to have started to love me less.
well im leaving for New Hampshire in the early morning. so i hope it takes me mind off of how hurt i am.