Im gonna cut again

I have been holding a blade in hand for about half an hour now
just been looking at my wrist and the shinny blade
just playing around with it thinking playing with the idea weighing the pros and cons :O
well im gonna cut in the end I know im gonna cut and I know why im going to
but I wanna hold myself back for as long as i can i wanna hold out as long as i can 
i know im losing this battle but i wanna fight as long as i have something in me
I am fighting a losing battle i can feel my strength draining out of me slowly but surely the life is going out 
my sanity is leaving its seeping out of me slowly... I dont know how much longer I can sit and blog that blade looks so tempting it will slice me open and my darkness and my pain and my anger and my hate. it will all flow out it will all leave me but fuck this poison inside my veins its just too much its all too much I wish i could drain myself I wish I could bleed to death...
fuck this its been 2 hours I cant hold on any long im gonna cut
I lose