Im giving up.

I think to myself all the time., Why do i care if im alone or not,and does it really matter.Why do i care so much,that at school, i eat lunch alone,Sit on the bus sometimes alone, walk home from the bus stop alone, be alone on the weekends,Why do i care so much, I do because i hate it,I hate the fact that i see other people smiling, I hate the fact that i have to each lunch with a whole bunch of girls and be ignored,I hate the fact that i sometimes sit alone on the bus when everyone else is talking to each other,I hate the fact that my next door neighbor, never offers to walk home with me,I hate the fact that ill sit in my room all weekend, when most people my age are out having a good time.I try and try not to care, but it seems that i cant help myself that i do.I hide it when im school, but i can no longer do it. I break out in tears at random, and i dont even know why anymore.I just have to, because if i dont i will indeed become a monster, and that i do not want for myself and the people around me.No one seems to notice me or even care, and all they do is stare,or laugh, and point.No one really talks to me, nor do i get hugs, except by one person, that actually cares, unless that person is faking it too.I feel like ending everything,not because im alone,but because i cant function anymoreI cant go through one school day without going into a bathroom crying.,I cant go through one day not worrying about how i talk or what im going to say next.I feel like im dying inside, and no one even cares to notice,its a slow and painful feeling, almost as if my heart is feeling and im becoming emotionally numb.I want to end everything, and i dont think anyone would notice if i did, sense im so alone, and no one seems to want to care, or even notice how downhill im going.will anyone miss me. i dont know , no one shows that they even care anymore, so why should i live, like a ghost, why not become what i already am, a ghost, a shadow, an illusion.