Im back.....

A living hell.....the last nine months.  Began on June 28th 2007 and officially ended on March 24th 2008 - although it will never end, just change as the years pass I imagine.  We lived on a farm.  Been here for 20 years.  He got the farm as I expected because the land did not mean anything to me except nice to look at.  I got the house and the yard for 2 1/2 years then it will be sold and split at auction to the highest bidder.  I really dont understand that really.  The land was worth as much as the house, and why have the kids move before they are out of high school and in college.....I have been told that in 2 1/2 years if that is my wish, then I can ask.  All they can do is say no.  His parents have not spoken to me in months.  They testified against me that the land was really just meant for him even though the title was to both of us.  I was not suprised that she testified, but I was that he did.  He has been like a father to me.  All that is over.  I am pretty much isolated back here.  We have split joint custody with the children able to go to dads whenever they want.  I agreed to this on a temporary basis as he was trying to split the kids up and I didnt want that to happen.  We have no communication between us whatsoever.  I can already tell you that this will be temporary as he will not do his share in their activities and expenses as he claimes he will in court.  He has not changed in 9 months, so I dont expect him to change now.  I am back in school part-time to get my RN degree, but did not make it into the fall program, so I will keep taking the few classes I need over the next year and try again next fall.  I am trying not to worry about it and have faith that what comes around goes around.....but I am impatient when it comes to that.  He now has 3 girlfriends, dont think any of them know about the other.  The women he left us for is still hanging in there although I am sure she is upset that she will not be moving into my house, at least not for another 2 1/2 years if I can hang on to it that long.  I have been down the last couple of days.  Yesterday was really bad.  I think for the first time since all this has happened I realize how alone I really am.  Not saying that I would want him back, that will never be an option after what he has put me and the kids thru, and not saying that I want anyone else either because I am certainly not ready for that...but just feeling alone.  I know to take it day by day.  I try not to look to far ahead.  The kids have been in Florida this week with their aunt and uncle and that has certainly made it quiet around here and I am sure that is not helping me either.  Looking forward to starting over, I think.  Not really, but not really a choice now is there.  I have missed this sight - just could not do it all while I was in the legal system and dealing with an asshole of an ex husband.  He really thought I would take him up on his offer to keep my life as it is and to just let him have a girlfiend on the side.  He is obviously delusional.  I am glad to know the verdict.  Not knowing is so hard on you.  But now, I have to try and not worry about leaving my home in a couple of years.  Maybe I will be ready to do just that when the time comes.  I will hope for that anyway.  A fresh start off of this farm maybe just what I do need.  Thanks for listening........Kelly