illusions

          Illusions never turn into anything real...I should have seen what was there and not an illusion of the light. Your a little late....but why am I not gone? Is everything in my mind a lie of who you are?Am I just making you someone I want you to be in my mind to justify everything you do?Nothing in this picture is right so why is therea reason to be torn?I am running out of faith in you. Why do I hold on tight to things that I want to loose?I'm counting down the days till I escape this "place" with you. I can finally start to see it, that dream I am dreaming. Unfortunately every step I'm taking is backwards and in no direction. Why is it that with you...your just another mountain I want to move...Why can't I except you for you? It's just I can't help but want more for you. I see so much potential but no drive. Maybe I want to inspire in you what I want for myself. I'm sorry I am wrong for that. Not sure if I am loosing faith in you or myself....Things you should know about me ..1. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it when people play guitar to me! It's my favorite thing in the world! 2. If you know me well, hand sanitizer and bleach are something I just always have in bulk. haha.3. I love it when people are real with me.4. I tend to wear my heart up my sleeve.5. When my feelings are hurt, I act angry as a defense mechanism but I am never really mad.6. No matter how far away I turn from my heart, it always catches up with me.7.I do private home care, and I have never been so humbled in my life. my"patients" have taught and given me more than i could ever give themand I couldn't mean anymore more from the bottom of my heart. 8. I am trying to learn the guitar, and I hope to get good enough to play in front of ppl for real haha9. I am finally starting to learn at age 22 that a lot of things that i thought mattered, don't matter at all.10.My best friends are amazing and I know everyone says that but I reallyhave friends who love me and I wouldn't be who I am with out themtoday! 11. I don't consider myself "religious" but I don'tknow where I would be with out Jesus. I think God isn't stained glasswindows and churches or a group of people who claim to know God, Ibelieve it is about a relationship between you and him. 12. I couldn't ask for better sisters, really, it's impossible. They are all so different but all are amazing in there own way.13. I got to meet Bethany Dillion and yes it was amazing. 14. My favorite colors are red, green, and purple. 15. Butterflies have a special meaning to me.16. Music is the entry to my heart and soul.17. I listen to every type of music and I love diversity.18. There is NEVER one side to a story.19. I wish there was no such thing as racism and I can't stand it whenpeople make racist comments...trust me, it makes them look dumb.20. I have two amazing god sons who make me feel like a kid! 21. The Golden Girls was basically the most amazing show ever invented! lol"Everytime you get up and back in the race one more small peice of you seems to fall into place!"