ill, irritable and cranky as a bear with a sore head

The past couple of days has just left me cranky as shit. Depressed, mad, frustrated, can't seem to get anything done. The kitchen has gone to shit, along with my mood.
Been trimming the armpit hairs, but hubby decided I needed to shave 'em. I TOLD him it was not a good idea. Ya it was great, right up until I sprouted a new spot even lower in my left armpit. FUCK! He thinks, what difference does it make, you getting new spots every other day or so. He thinks shaving my legs makes no difference either ("Well you don't get them on your legs, and I know you hate having to jump into a pair of pants everytime we get some company, instead of being able to relax in your shorts.") I told him last night..NO MORE SHAVING...PERIOD. 
I'm so fucking tired of fighting this disease. I'm tired of having to take med after med, bearing through whatever side effects they bring. I'm tired of the tape and gauze..I'M JUST FUCKING TIRED OF IT ALL.
Mother and Father inlaws told me when the fire happened that they would be more than happy to replace the wolf blanket my sister bought me several Christmases ago that got burned up (it actually kept the fire and smoke from spreading further than it had). I asked them about it today..and guess what..BACKPEDAL BACKPEDAL BACKPEDAL!!! I am so fucking tired of their shit. I swear I try to be tolerant of them and their bullshit. They tried to give me the wolf blanket (a skinny ass piece of shit by the way) that someone gave my son for Christmas...what the hell! That would be like someone giving them something and then me taking it from them, just because I wanted it or needed it to replace something I didn't want to pay for myself. Fucktards. 
My husband tries to be supportive, but he has his own chronic pain issues. And I try not to get ill with him, but it does fuck with me when I see him laying in the bed and here I am getting up with our son, trying to keep the kitchen clean, and then to have him constantly ask me to do shit for him because he is hurting really bad. I swear if I had the doctor that did his surgery (and then treated him like shit afterwards cause his insurance ran out) here right now I would stomp his face into oblivion. I would seriously like to throttle that little fuck to the ends of the earth. Now not only do I have to deal with my own shit, I now have to deal with hubby's shit too. It worries me that if he is like this now, how the hell is he gonna deal or handle shit when I have surgery.
I'm just so angry, and I don't like to be angry. I HATE being angry. I'm angry with my situation, I'm angry with my inlaws, angry at the hubby. I'm NOT angry with the world, mind you. I just feel like my life is just royally fucked. Been sitting here today wondering how the hell I keep doing this, day after day. Wondering why/how I haven't lost my shit, gone over the edge and wigged out on everyone. The only thing I can think is that I haven't because that shows weakness. And growing up showing weakness made you a target. So I used to cut down trees as a kid. I'd take out all my frustration that way. Just go get the ax and start chopping. Might take me two or three days to chop down a good size pine tree, but I'd do it. Mind you that was probably NOT the safest thing I could have been doing, what with the possibility of a tree falling on me or "snapping back" and spearing me. It's just what I had at hand to relieve the stress and pain at the time. Makes me wish I didn't live in an area where I can't do that anymore. Although it did make me feel bad, as it wasn't the trees fault, it didn't cause me the stress and pain.  
And this crappy ass weather isn't making things any easier either. I hate NC winters. Rarely do we get snow. It's usually all cold and rain, and that just absolutely sucks. In Virginia when winter came around we were almost guaranteed snow. Same when I lived in Idaho. At least then I had a reason for staying indoors. Here it's ..Oh it's just cold and wet..why don't you go out and go somewhere or do something. At least with some snow I could go out and have a little fun in it. Now I can't even do that on my good days.
I'm just tired. Apparently so tired my friend thought someone had punched me in both my eyes. I saw her the other day and she was like "Did someone hit you?" "In both your eyes?" Of course no one had, but that is the first time she has EVER asked me that. I swear I get up of the morning and just don't want to get up. So I don't think I'm sleeping all that great.
I'm tired, frustrated, angry, depressed, starting to feel resentments (and that is not good, not good at all, in my opinion) and just so done with the jacked up way my in laws do stuff I could scream. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way suicidal. I have serious hang ups about that. I feel like it is the cowards way out. It takes more courage to keep hanging in day after day than it does to say fuck it and cop out. My kids are a big motivator, but even if I had no one, I still could not take the easy way out. It is the one sin that cannot be forgiven, you can't do that and then go "Oh Lord please forgive my sin." You're gone, you can't. And you can't say it beforehand, I mean you CAN, but then it means nothing.
Ugh, I HATE feeling like this. All I can do is hope and pray for a better day tomorrow.