If you love me, why did you leave me?
Falling asleep last night was difficult. I kept going back to the thought of him... and her... together. Why would you say you love me then run off with someone else? I don't understand. I blame myself for allowing myself to fall for you - even when I promised myself I wouldn't.
I sat on my bed frozen for almost an hour while I stared at the blank wall ahead of me, lost in thought and burying myself in the memories of the better days. When I thought about the way you grabbed onto my hand, the way you kissed my cheeks and forehead, I felt it. I didn't even realize I was crying until I was shoving my face into my pillow in attempt to hinder the sobs that were climbing my throat.
Eventually, my silent tears turned into violent sobs and trembling. They still didn't hear me. I don't want them to. Soon enough, I was enveloped in the darkness that some call sleep. "Sleep" is for normal people - it's nothing but hell for me. I can't erase the images from my head. They haunt me more than you could ever know. I'm so tired of feeling this way. You don't even understand how much energy and emotion you've drained from me.
I had trouble sleeping all the way through the night. I would see your face everywhere I looked and I could feel myself jump. Every time I saw you, I opened my eyes. I opened my eyes to the pitch black corners of my room so I was sure you weren't there and that I was safe from the pain you've been causing me. It shouldn't be this way. It didn't have to be this way.
Waking up was the hardest part. How am I expected to get up and go to school when I've slept for a maximum of one hour and I have to see the one who causes me this much pain? So I laid there. I laid in bed for almost two hours staring at my ceiling. I replayed all of our memories - everything we had from the past two years. I miss those days. When it came to fifteen minutes before I had to leave, I forced myself out of bed. I'm fully dressed but I feel so naked, so vulnerable to the world.
People tried talking to me. Of course I responded. I'm not heartless enough to not respond. But I don't think I responded how they were expecting. "You're usually so happy. What's wrong?" If I had the energy to answer that question, I would. I'm so sorry that I can't. I can't even force it out anymore. I can only give you the most simple answer I can muster and the proper facial expression. The smiles aren't fake but the frowns are as real as could be. I can't tell you how I really am because what will people say? "I'm sorry"? "You shouldn't feel that way"? I've heard far more than enough of that.
Time went by slower than usual today. Everything around me seemed to be moving in fast forward, while I walked along time's side as slow as possible. It just dragged along. When will this hell end?
When I got home, I gathered all seventeen pages of homework and began working. I momentarily forgot about my troubles as I buried myself in the educational obstacles. A distraction, I suppose. If that's what it takes I guess I'll be doing homework as much as possible.
I need a distraction from you. But there's one problem with that:
You're my favorite distraction.
I sat on my bed frozen for almost an hour while I stared at the blank wall ahead of me, lost in thought and burying myself in the memories of the better days. When I thought about the way you grabbed onto my hand, the way you kissed my cheeks and forehead, I felt it. I didn't even realize I was crying until I was shoving my face into my pillow in attempt to hinder the sobs that were climbing my throat.
Eventually, my silent tears turned into violent sobs and trembling. They still didn't hear me. I don't want them to. Soon enough, I was enveloped in the darkness that some call sleep. "Sleep" is for normal people - it's nothing but hell for me. I can't erase the images from my head. They haunt me more than you could ever know. I'm so tired of feeling this way. You don't even understand how much energy and emotion you've drained from me.
I had trouble sleeping all the way through the night. I would see your face everywhere I looked and I could feel myself jump. Every time I saw you, I opened my eyes. I opened my eyes to the pitch black corners of my room so I was sure you weren't there and that I was safe from the pain you've been causing me. It shouldn't be this way. It didn't have to be this way.
Waking up was the hardest part. How am I expected to get up and go to school when I've slept for a maximum of one hour and I have to see the one who causes me this much pain? So I laid there. I laid in bed for almost two hours staring at my ceiling. I replayed all of our memories - everything we had from the past two years. I miss those days. When it came to fifteen minutes before I had to leave, I forced myself out of bed. I'm fully dressed but I feel so naked, so vulnerable to the world.
People tried talking to me. Of course I responded. I'm not heartless enough to not respond. But I don't think I responded how they were expecting. "You're usually so happy. What's wrong?" If I had the energy to answer that question, I would. I'm so sorry that I can't. I can't even force it out anymore. I can only give you the most simple answer I can muster and the proper facial expression. The smiles aren't fake but the frowns are as real as could be. I can't tell you how I really am because what will people say? "I'm sorry"? "You shouldn't feel that way"? I've heard far more than enough of that.
Time went by slower than usual today. Everything around me seemed to be moving in fast forward, while I walked along time's side as slow as possible. It just dragged along. When will this hell end?
When I got home, I gathered all seventeen pages of homework and began working. I momentarily forgot about my troubles as I buried myself in the educational obstacles. A distraction, I suppose. If that's what it takes I guess I'll be doing homework as much as possible.
I need a distraction from you. But there's one problem with that:
You're my favorite distraction.
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