If the world ended today, I would adjust

I don't know what to write; I have nothing to say. I just want - no, need - to keep my hands moving. If I let my hands go free, I'll end up hurting myself, and with the way I'm feeling now, I'll do some real harm. I can't do that. I've gotta remain happy. My poor boyfriend saw my arm, with fresh cuts, the other day and I ended up crying I felt so bad about it. He feels bad that he can't help (even after I insist that it's not his fault, it'll never be his fault) and I feel bad for causing him pain.So the point to that was that I can't cut because I can't bear to hurt my boyfriend anymore. I typed that, and now it sounds completely irrational. He's so happy, all the time. It's ridiculously painful to see him sad.Okay, I'm just rambling. I wish I had something worthwhile to say. I wish I had something creative to say. I wish I had anything to say. I'm done.