If It's Not the Kids, It's the Sister...
Well, DH brought up DD's email after our family bible study. I have to say, he was pretty cool & collected about it (though he had a day to cool off & think about it). He pretty much hit on the main points I thought of: we each have our responsibilities to do, and we should worry about that, not about what someone else is doing. One thing I did not know is that DD did actually talk to DS about what she thought, though how deeply she got into it, I don't know. All I know is that he wasn't disturbed or upset by whatever she said to him.
Anyway, it seems that the air is cleared. And if not, like I told DD: she will soon be in college & everything at home will be in her rear-view mirror soon; she will be focusing on more immediate things, like classes & roomates & those sorts of things.
So that's the end of that...
On Friday DD & I did a bunch of back-to-school shopping, since it's tax-free week. while out, I got a voice mail on my cell from MS, saying she spoke to DH earlier & she knows we're out shopping, so call her later.
So I tried her once while in another store & our phone connection did not seem to be good (more on that later), so she said to call her later. I decided to wait till I got home. When home, DH said that MS called & she seemed like she was drinking, and gave a sample of how she was talking. This was all before 8pm (remember, I wasn't going to deal with her after 9pm, since the booze seemed to kick in about that time). So I figured, OK, I'll talk to her, she can't be too bad...
Well, she was. I really tried to have a normal conversation with her, but she kept saying she couldn't hear me & that I was dropping out (though at one point, my face did accidentally hit "facetime" to another friend on the phone), and in a chiding, chastising way: "Sister, sister, sister...you really should get a new phone," etc etc etc about that. Then she started talking loudly into the phone that she couldn't hear me again & to call her back. We hung up & I said to myself, "I am not calling her back!" (at least not in the evenings, now).
Funny thing is, I wasn't mad, didn't even feel defensive, though she was "attackative" (a word I picked up on the bus). I was calm, but disturbed. Not even quite annoyed. But I felt that something turned in me. Maybe that she's completely invalidated herself? That I am more guarded? I don't know. I just know that my boundaries got a lot more solid & I don't have any second thoughts about that.
In any case, she did say she wants to see DD before she leaves for college, so I need to arrange time for that. I need to talk to DD about when she's available (she'll be getting together with friends before she leaves), then ask for some time off. Yeah, a day thing, for sure!
Anyway, it seems that the air is cleared. And if not, like I told DD: she will soon be in college & everything at home will be in her rear-view mirror soon; she will be focusing on more immediate things, like classes & roomates & those sorts of things.
So that's the end of that...
On Friday DD & I did a bunch of back-to-school shopping, since it's tax-free week. while out, I got a voice mail on my cell from MS, saying she spoke to DH earlier & she knows we're out shopping, so call her later.
So I tried her once while in another store & our phone connection did not seem to be good (more on that later), so she said to call her later. I decided to wait till I got home. When home, DH said that MS called & she seemed like she was drinking, and gave a sample of how she was talking. This was all before 8pm (remember, I wasn't going to deal with her after 9pm, since the booze seemed to kick in about that time). So I figured, OK, I'll talk to her, she can't be too bad...
Well, she was. I really tried to have a normal conversation with her, but she kept saying she couldn't hear me & that I was dropping out (though at one point, my face did accidentally hit "facetime" to another friend on the phone), and in a chiding, chastising way: "Sister, sister, sister...you really should get a new phone," etc etc etc about that. Then she started talking loudly into the phone that she couldn't hear me again & to call her back. We hung up & I said to myself, "I am not calling her back!" (at least not in the evenings, now).
Funny thing is, I wasn't mad, didn't even feel defensive, though she was "attackative" (a word I picked up on the bus). I was calm, but disturbed. Not even quite annoyed. But I felt that something turned in me. Maybe that she's completely invalidated herself? That I am more guarded? I don't know. I just know that my boundaries got a lot more solid & I don't have any second thoughts about that.
In any case, she did say she wants to see DD before she leaves for college, so I need to arrange time for that. I need to talk to DD about when she's available (she'll be getting together with friends before she leaves), then ask for some time off. Yeah, a day thing, for sure!
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