If I would have known...

I married my husband 9 years 363 days ago. Yep 10 years in just 2 days. My life is nowhere I thought it would be 10 years after marriage. I figured we would have a kid or 2. We would be half way successful and financially comfortable. Then life went on and things changed not for the better. My husband has fought an addiction for as long as I have known him. Maybe that's why I enabled him as long as I did because I knew he was an addict when I married him. I knew I was getting close to my end. I prayed and prayed for guidance of what to do. I am not a religious person so I wasn't expecting much. On April 24, 2014 the police department kicked in my door put a gun in my face and told me to get on the ground. I was cuffed and sat on my couch while they searched and destroyed my house. The whole time in my head I am cursing my husband and vowing I am done. This is it I am divorcing him. When I finally got the jerk of an officer that was in the room with me to admit they had my husband in custody already just outside my house I convinced them to let me see him. I was uncuffed and released and told to go to the SUV. The officer opened the door for me and I saw him. I saw the pain, the tears, and the remorse in his face and its like my heart did a complete 180. I wanted to hold him and tell him it would be ok. He told me he was sorry and he would be home in 10 years and he hoped I would still be there. I talked to him for a minute and hugged him and he kissed me and said "I am so sorry baby. Please don't hate me." I knew then I never could. Fast forward. 18 months later here we are. He got a 46 month sentence in federal prison for aiding and abetting the distribution of meth. He told me at first he understood if I decided not to stay. But there has never be a question in my mind. This was the answer to my prayers. My husband has told me that he wanted to stop but didn't know how. So really it is the answer to both our prayers. We have 23 months left maybe less if he decides to do the half way house. We have become so close over these last 18 months. We have gotten to know each other again. He says he has learned his lesson but he isn't going to make me a bunch of promises. I have gone through so many emotions. Right now I am kinda depressed because 10 years is a big milestone and I am alone. I will get to go see him this weekend but it isn't the same. I want a romantic dinner and maybe a movie then to fall asleep in his arms.