idk where to start

i wish i knew what to do. what to think to make things just a tiny bit easier.  im not even asking for happiness or anything like that. just a little less pain and sadness. just so it doesnt seem so intolerable. i used to be a happy person, had hobbies and friends. now i am so alone and sad. i read to get out of my life and that doesnt really even help. i cry to much and dont laugh enough. my self esteem is so low and i cant fix that either. i feel like dying sometimes and i hate that. i shouldnt have to feel like this. i shouldnt have to be angry and sad all the time. im married and not really happy with tht either. its more like roomates who barely talk. who tolerate each other because we have no choice. idk what to do but i kno i want to give up. it feels like thts all thts left. i dont think i can hide how i truly feel much longer.  ohh God please help. may be this website can help but who knows. may be im wasting my time here too.