I would love to talk to my Mom about this...

but all I get whenever I try to talk about the infertility, premature ovarian failure I get a canned response of "don't worry, think positive, God is good".
Ok, I know all of that is sound advice, but every fuckin' time?  Its a chore to find someone to talk to about this outside of Dailystrength.
I carry this like a huge secret or a burden that I should be ashamed of.  I hate having this feeling like this situation is something I could have prevented.  I want someone to talk to and I would love that to be my Mom.  I am close to her, very close, but for some reason I cannot talk to her comfortably about sex, nor this subject.
These are huge subjects for me.  The only person I can talk to this about is the hubby and both of us need other outlets besides ourselves.  Its like recycling the same air on an aircraft, after some time, you need fresh air and that's what we're experiencing.
I'm on Lupron (20cc) daily until Monday, then its 10cc and a 2mg Estrace.  I hope the Estrace does not put a kink in my day by making me sleepy.  I've never taken them before.  We'll see. 
I'm still not sure I should even slide the "Get pregnant by 2011" bar at all.
I want to go to sleep, I just got my period (its the first day) and I slept for 3 hours after I watched M. Butterfly (odd movie).  I was bitchy and annoyed for most of the day.  I tried to control my anger and hopefully it worked well.  I've gone through 5 pads today (I use the always Infinity...love them).  I have a client date tomorrow (12 dishes including dessert).  I need to really find my energy reserve.
I'm starving right now and I can't get enough selzer.  Its always an odd craving when I'm having my period.  I'm trying to be positive.  I will try harder.  You get out what you put in right?

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Good luck hun! I understand what you are going through. My DH is pretty darn sick of talking about it as I apparantly repeat myself too much....boo fricken hoo. That\'s that the DS sisters are for. We are all going though our own personal struggle, but are always always ready and willing to help a fellow infertility sister in a heart beat. Hope the Lupron isn\'t giving you headaches...and the estrace shouldn\'t give you any problems at all. Sounds like you are getting close!
Karrie66
Karrie66

Thanks Turtle4040. If I didn\'t have you guys I truly think you would have read about a crazy NJ lady that lost her mind in the middle of the NJ turnpike...news at 11.
I repeat myself too, sometimes, I don\'t even want to hear myself talk about it. The Lupron makes me wake up with headaches, but a cup of coffee usually fixes that.. I just took my first Estrace today and it really did not bother me. I hope things work out for both you and me! Have a great day and thanks for listening!
Pookie112
Pookie112

I know exactly how you feel! My family was the same way...and every IVF said its gonna happen this time I know it..and guess what it didn\'t! No one can truly understand this unless you have gone through it yourself. They don\'t understand the pain, anger, sadness, frustration that comes with infertility. I was lucky to have a very close friend go through the same thing so we were there for each other not to mention this site...you were there for me in more ways than you know! If you need to talk or vent, i\'m here to listen!! xoxoxo
Karrie66
Karrie66

Thanks Pookie112. Today is our 9th year anniversary and I\'m having a bit of a meltdown. I remember embarking on marriage when I said \"I do\" at 4pm 9 years ago looking into my beloved\'s eyes and thinking I cannot wait for the kids to have eyes just like their Daddy\'s. It has been a long, long, long unexpected detour in our journey and it certainly was not what I expected to happen. I truly did not think that I would be here 9 years later. I thought that I would be yelling at my kids and telling them to clean up their rooms or planning a trip to Disney world, or day camp. I did not expect to be praying that these hormones work well with my body to accept a donor egg and tens of thousands of dollars in debt. But hey, we\'re still here trying. I don\'t know what I\'d do without you ladies. The support is everything to me. Thank you so much.