I WOULD ALWAYS BE UNHAPPY AND LONELY

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ALONE WITHOUT ANY FRIENDS ANY LOVE IN MY LIFE NOW I AM OLD STILL SAD TOTALLY WORTHLESS GOOD FOR NOTHING A TOTAL WASTE.
I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO ACT IN PUBLIC ALWAYS TALKING TOO MUCH AND STUPID  MY WHOLE LIFE WAS A FRAUD JUST LIKE MY MARRIAGE OF 30 YEARS A TOTAL FRAUD. NOW NOT KNOWING WHAT IS COMING IN MY LIFE WHAT IS MY HUSBAND REAL PLAN FOR ME WITH HIM, JUST LIKE ALWAYS HE IS ALWAYS GONE GONE HAVING ALL HIS NEEDS MEET COMPLETE SATISFACTION AND I AM NOBODY I JUST EXIST WITHOUT ANY GOALS ANY LOVE FROM NOBODY ALWAYS ALONE LONELY SAD BETRAYED, HUMILLIATED, ABUSE, USED, WORTHLESS UNKEPT FOR MY WHOLE LIFE HAVING NOBODY THAT CARES NOR WANT TO SPENT TIME WITH ME TO BE HAPPY AND HAVE EXPERIENCES OF MOMENTS SPECIAL IT JUST NOT A LIFE WORTH LIVING NEVER HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE NOW OLD UGLY LONELY SAD NO SATISFACTION FEELINGS NOT SMART NO PASSION IN LIFE ABOUT ANYTHING JUST EATING AND SLEEPING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE HOPING TO NEVER WAKEUP AGAIN TO MY EMPTY  POINTLESS LIFE I HAVE BEEN MY ENTIRE LIFE DEAD WALKING NO INSPIRATIONS NO HOPES NO GOALS NO LIKES NOT INTERESTED ON ANYTHING AT ALL MY ENTIRE LIFE STORY IS SO LONG AND SO COMPLICATE IT FULL OF EMPTYNESS IN MY HEART, THE WORST AT EVERYTHING NO TALENTS NO INITIATIVE NO WILL TO ACOMPLISH ANYTHING LACK OF ENERGY NONE AT ALL I AM THE WORST PERSON IN EXISTENCE I GUESS I GET WHAT WAS COMING TO ME AND ALWAYS SUCK DARK UNHAPPY UGLY DIRTY MESSY NOBODY  EVER WAS INTERESTED IN ME OR WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH ME GO SOMEWHERE AND HAVA A HAPPY LIFE FULL OF SOME MUCH SO MANY THINGS TO DO TO LEARN TO SHARE TO BECOME A SPECIAL AND TO ALWAYS WANTING TO BE TOGETHER TO HAVE MORE AND MORE HAPPY TIMES HAVING A DREAM LIFE I WOULD NEVER GET TO EXPERIENCE ANY OF THOSE MOMENTS THAT GIVES YOU WHAT THE POINT OF LIVING IS...BUT HAVING NEVER EVER EXPERIENCE A SINGLE HAPPY FEELING IT JUST FILLS YOUR WHOLE BODY MIND OF UGLYNESS UNABLE TO EVER HAVE A SMILE NOR A LAUGH THOSE EMOTIONS WOULD NEVER BE FOR ME TO HAVE, NOT HAVING YOUR HUSBAND TO EVER GIVE YOU A PASSIONATE KISS EVER NEVER IN 30 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, NEVER HAVING A HUG NOR HUGS THAT LET YOU KNOW HOW THE OTHER PERSON REALLY FEELS ABOUT YOU, NEVER A TOUCH OF ANYKIND NOT EVEN ONE TOUCH AT ALL NOT EVER NEVER MY HUSBAND MADE LOVE TO ME THAT MADE ME FEEL SOMETHING, I NEVER FELT ANYTHING AT ALL IT WAS A BASIC INTERCOURSE TO GET PREGNATE AND LAST IT LESS THAN 3 MINUTES  WITHOUT EVER ANY PHISYCAL ATRACTION AT ALL FOR EACH OTHER NO CHEMYSTRY BETWEEN THE TWO OF US AT ALL EVER NEVER, JUST AS IF WE WERE JUST ROOMATES THAT WAS IT ALWAYS JUST TWO PEOPLE LIVING TOGETHER MY HUSBAND NEVER WANTED TO START THINKING ABOUT OUR FUTURE LIFE NOR PLANNING AT ALL FOR OUR LIVES IN THE FUTURE TOGETHER; HE WOULD NOT LIKE TO SAVE MONEY AT ALL. ALWAYS LIVING IN TODAY MODE NO GOALS, BUT HE WAS ALWAYS DOING WHEREVER HE WANTED WHENEVER HE WANTED AND HOW HE WANT IT, THE MOST SMART PERSON I HAVE MEET OR SEEN ON TV, VERY SELFISH ONLY THINKING OF HIM AT ALL TIMES STILL THE SAME GOOD PROVIDER GOOD FATHER THIS MAN HAS THE MOST GOOD QUALITIES YOU WOULD EVER FIND IN ANY MAN, HE'S GOT IT ALL THE LIST IS ENDLESS....BUT ALL THAT GOODNESS IS TOTALLY WORTHLES AND SHADOWD BUT THE WORST AND SEVERAL DEEDS A PATALOLICAL LIAR, THE BIGGEST CHEATER YOU WOULD EVER KNOW IN YOUR LIFE, ALWAYS CHEATING SEX ADDICT A MALE WHORE SPENDING LOTS  OF TIME MONEY VISITING SEX BOOKSTORES WHEREVER HE MAY BE CRUSING BY MANY IN ALL TOWNS CITIES HE MAY BE DRIVING LONG DISTANTCES AND VISITING MAYBE WOULD MEET MEN IN THOSE PLACES AND HE WOULD ALSO SEACHING FOR PARKS IN SO MANY AREAS, LAKES, MOSTLY PARKS AND THE LOGICAL THING THAT HE WOULD DO THAT WAS TO HAVE SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS WITH MEN AND JUST GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE PROBLABLY FOR HOURS AND HOURS ON END, MY HUSBAND CARRYING ALWAYS A BACKPACK WITH HIM HE WOULD HAVE LOTS OF VASELINE ALWAYS A MUST HAVE WERE LUB TUBES AND HE WOULD USE THEM A LOT AND KEEPING BUYING MORE AND MORE ALSO LOTS OF TOILET PAPER AND DOING THIS ACTIVITIES HE WOULD ALSO HAVING LOVE AFFAIRS WITH MANY WOMEN TAKING TRIPS TOGETHER WHEREVER THE FELT LIKE IT DRIVING FAST LISTENING THEIR FAVORITE SONGS VERY VERY LOUD HE ALSO ALWAYS SPENT HOURS AND HOURS DAYS WEEKS MONTHS AND MORE WITH HIS MISTRESS DOWNLOADING THEIR FAVORITE SONGS MUSIC GREAT SONG OF ALL KINDS MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO EACH OTHER FOR SO MUCH TIME HE SPENT SO MUCH TIME GONE FROM HOME AND OUT HAVING THE MOST FUN HE WANTED TO HAVE AND WITHOUT LIMITS AT ALL OF ANY KIND TOTALLY FREEDOM TRAVELING TO LAKES, SUITES CASINOS GAMBLING FOR ALSO A VERY LONG TIME GETTING OUT OF TOWN JUST TO BE RIDING AND LISTENING THEIR MUSIC AS LOUD AS THE COULD STOPING IN SEVERAL PLACES ALONG THE WAY JUST LIVING HAPPY MOMENTS TOTALLY CARELESS  NOT A CARE FOR NO ONE NOR NOTHING BUT JUST TOTAL SATISFACTION AND MORE A TOTAL FANTASY WORLD THAT THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT EXIST IN IT AND SO PERFECT IN EVERY ASPECT ALL FULL OF HAVING THE HAPPIEST MOMENTS  AT ALL TIMES WITHOUT ANYTHING WRONG HAPPENING AT ALL MY HUSBAND PROBLABLY A VERY GOOD AND PASSIONATE KISSER AND HAVING ANY TIME OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE HE WANT IT TO HAVE AT ANY MOMENT WITH ANY ONE THAT HE WANTED, AND COMING HOME GLOWING  FLOATING AS IF HE WAS LYING ON A CLOUD BECAUSE HE HAD JUST BEING HAVING THE MOST PASSIONATE AND SEXUAL EXPERIENCES HE ALWAYS CRAVES AND THAT HAVE TO BE FILL TO THE MAX FOR HIM HE IS VERY INTENSE AND WHEN HE HAS HIS NEEDS HE IS LIKE A TIME BOMB ABOUT TO EXPLOTED HE NEVER WANT TO BE ASK ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS WHEREABOUTS,  TIME SPENT GONE, MONEY SPENT NOTHING AT ALL HE WOULD GET VERY ANGRY AND WOULD SAY THAT HE IS NOT A CHILD AND KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING AND THERE IS NO NEED FOR HIM TO EXPLAIN AND DID NOT WANT IT ANY OF MY CALLS AT ALL HE DOES NOT NEED SUPERVISION AT ALL AND WOULD DO WHAT HE WANTS WHEN HE WANTS IT AND HOW HE WANTS IT. HE ALSO ALWAYS HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS FEMALES, MALES LOTS OF THEM ALL HIS FRIENDS ONLY NEVER MIND I WOULD SPENT MOST OF MY TIME OF ALL THOSE YEARS OF MARRIAGE IN MY ROOM ALONE WATCHING TV NO ONE WOULD EVER CALL MY CELL TO TALK TO ME NOR TO INVITE ME TO GO SOMEWHERE, NEVER EVER HAD ANY FRIEND AT ALL TO HANG OUT, TO SHARE FEELINGS, IDEAS AND ALL THOSE PRIVILEGES OF HAVING FRIENDS AS NORMAL PEOPLE DO. I  STARTED TO NOT BE INTERESTED ON ANY ACTIVITY AT ALL, NEVER GOING OUT AT ALL WATCHING TV SO MUCH AND SLEEPING LOTS HOURS STAYING IN MY ROOM FOR EVEN DAYS AT A TIME IN BED JUST LYING AND WATCHING TV, ALWAYS ALONE I NEVER WATCH MOVIES WITH NO ONE DID NOT KNOW ABOUT MOVIES NOR MUSIC NOR FASHION NEVER MAKEUP AND NO SHOWER FOR 3 DAYS WAS NORMAL I DID NOT HAVE A LIFE AT ALL AND MY HUSBAND VERY ACTIVE OUTGOING SO MANY PLACES DOING SO MANY DIFERENT THINGS ALWAYS SOMETHING FUN AND THAT WOULD GIVE HIM HAPPINESS AND CHEATING ON ME ALWAYS AND NOT HAVING ANY REMORSE NOR ANY GUILT AT ALL FOR HIM IT WAS JUST THE WAY THAT WAS AND HOW HE WANTED TO SPEND DAY AFTER DAY  NOT EVER WASTING A MINUTE TO BE HAPPY AND ENJOY THE PRESENT MOMENT ALWAYS LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT MAKING SURE THAT MOMENT IS TO GET ALL HIS NEEDS MET AT ANY COST, ALWAYS LIVING THIS WAY HIS WAY OR THE HIGHWAY I DO STILL ASKED HIM WHY DID HE MARRIED ME????WHY WAS THE REASON THAT MADE HIM MADE THAT FINAL DESICION OF MAKING ME HIS WIFE, HE ACTUALLY IS ABOUT THE ONLY TIME THAT HE CAN NOT REALLY FIND A VALID ANSWER FOR IT. AND IT IS THAT THE ONLY REASON WAS JUST TO USED ME ONLY TO COVER UP HIS SEX ADDITION ALL SEX EXPERIENCES HE WANTS TO HAVE  WITH ANYONE ON A DAILY BASIS AND GET HIS NEEDS MET THAT IS HIS GOAL. AND WHAT ABOUT ME I,VE BEING USED  IN A HORRIBLE WAY. I WOULD NEVER THOUGHT THAT A PERSON WOULD BE SO EVIL SELF CENTERED AND HAVE THE SEXUAL NEED SO OVERPOWERING A HUMAN BEING AND HE WOULD BE CAPABLE TO ROB ME A WOMAN OF MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE OF HAVING ANY MOMENT OF HAPPINESS FOR ME THOSE WERE JUST FOR HIM AND I WAS JUST A GINNEY PIG THAT GOT CUT UP IN THAT TRAP AND NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE FREEDOM NOR HAPPINESS ABSOLUTLY MY LIFE WITHOUT ANY MEANING AT ALL.
HE TRICKED ME IN TO MARRYING HIS AND LIVE HAPPYLY EVER AFTER AND I WOULD BELONG TO HIM ONLY HE WOULD LOVE ME SO MUCH FOREVER AND EVER AND HE WOULD BE MINE ONLY FOREVER I WAS THE PERFECT WOMAN FOR HIM AND NO OTHER WOULD BE EVEN CLOSE TO BEENG AS GOOD OF A WIFE AND WOMAN AS I WAS AND HE WOULD BE MINE ONLY AND HE WOULD NEVER EVER EVEN WOULD LOOK ANOTHER WOMAN CAUSE HE WAS A VERY HONEST GOOD HUSBAND TRUSTED AND HE WOULDN'T LIE TO ME EVER AND ALL ABOUT HIM A FAT BIG O LIE ALWAYS AND EVERYTHING A LIE HE WAS NOTHING LIKE THE WAY HE DESCRIBE HIMSELF SO HONEST AND A REALLY GOOD HUMAN BEEN, HE NEVER MADE ME HAPPY NEVER EVER WE WERE A TOTALLY OPPOSITE PERSONALITIES NOTHING BETWEEN US IS COMPARABLE OUR LIKES ARE OPPOSITES WE DONT LIKE THE SAME FOOD, WE DONT SHARE ANYTHING THAT IS MUTUAL BETWEEN US AT ALL  NOTHING AT ALL WE DONT HAVE ANY CHEMISTRY AT ALL NOTHING NONE NEVER WAS ANY LOVE FEELING BETWEEN US AT ALL, NOTHING IN COMON TO SHARE TOGETHER EVER NEVER. HE TRICKED ME. LIE TO ME AND MADE ME HIS WIFE JUST TO COVER HIS SERIOUS SEX ADDICTIONS AND HOMOSEXUALITY IN A VERY HIGH LEVEL AND NOW WHAT WHERE DID MY YOUTH GO WHERE ARE ALL THOSE LONG LONELY BORING YEARS OF MY LIFE ALWAYS BEING THERE AND TRUSTING HIM TOTALLY  WHILE HE WAS USING ME, ABUSING ME TOO, A LIFE OF TORTURE THAT HE MADE ME ENDURE DAY AFTER DAY NOT A HAPPY LOVING MOMENT AT ALL BETWEEN US EVER. I KNOW I WAS ALWAYS SAD NOT ONE REASON TO BE HAPPY ENERGETIC SMART WOMAN I NEVER HAD ANY GOOD FEELING IN ME EVER A HAPPY FEELING NOR A EVEN NICE FEELING NOPE I WAS JUST STAYING THERE FOR SHOW ONLY THAT THAT MAN DOES HAVE A WIFE AND A FAMILY IT IS A NORMAL FAMILY BUT DEEP INTO THE SITUATION IT WAS A VERY HORRIBLE PAINFUL VERY CRIMINAL MIND DID THIS TO ME AND NOW THE END IS NEAR AND I KNOW HE CAN NOT STAND ME AT ALL THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL THAT THAT MAN LIKES ABOUT ME AND HE IS READY TO DISPOSED OF ME AND WHO KNOWS WHAT IS HIS FINAL PLAN TO MAKE ME DISSAPEAR AND NEVER BE SEING EVER NEVER AGAIN ... I AM VERY SCARED THAT HIS MIND IS SO EVIL TO THE EXTREME AND WHO KNOW WHAT IS HIS PLAN OF MAKING ME JUST DISAPEAR AND FINALLY BE GONE AND MY FINAL DAYS ARE GOING TO BE THE MOST HORRIBLE EVER MY SUFFERING WOULD REACH THE HIGHEST LIMIT EVER IN LIFE I WOULD BE DESTROYED TO A POINT OF LESS THAN ZERO AND THAT IS MY END A WHOLE LIFE FULLFILL ON JUST UNHAPPINESS SADNESS LONELYNESS DESPERATE FOR HUMAN ATTENTION AND INTERACTION BUT WAS NEVER EVER ANY OF MY NEEDS AS A WOMAN EVER MET. AND THE MOST HATEFUL OF THE WHOLE UNIVERSE IS ME THAT'S WHY I WAS THE CHOSEN ONE  AND I AM TERRIFY TIME IS NEAR AND I AM SCARE OF MY FINAL DAYS IN POVERTY SICKNESS HOMELESS HUNGRY NOT HAVING A BED TO SLEEP WHEN I WOULD BE NEEDING THE MOST CARE  AND BE SURROUND IT BY LOVED ONES WHO CARE SO MUCH AND...I WOULD NEVER HAVE THAT AND I WOULD DIE IN INTENSE PAIN ILLNESES HOMELESS STARVING ON THE WORST CITY  OF ALL SO BAD DIRTY STINKING UNSAFE AND ALONE THERE I WILL BE STILL SAD SUFFERING AS I HAVE BEEN FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE UNLOVED AND THE MOST HATED  IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE IS ME AND WAS ME AND WILL BE ME. I AM SO UGLY AND A BAD WOMAN SO JUST KEEP ON HATING ME ENDLESS. I HATE MY LIFE I HAVE NEVER BEING HAPPY ONLY SAD AT ALL TIMES SAD SAD SAD LONELY UNWANTED REJECTED ABUSED PRISONER NOT A HUMAN BEING JUST I AM A UGLY MONSTER WHO NO ONE WANT TO EVER WANT TO BE WITH ME FOR NO REASON AT ALL I AM JUST NOT LIKEABLE AT ALL I AM LESS THAN ZERO AND I ASK MYSELF WHY WAS I BORN? WHY I DONT WANT TO BE BORN AND BE ME FOREVER THAT IS PRETTY BAD HORRIBLE  DARK LONELY LONG ROAD THAT IT WOULD NEVER END...NEVER EXPERIENCE ANY HAPPINESS AT ALL IN MY WHOLE LIFE ALL DARK AND IMPERFECT NO ONE LOVE ME EVER NEVER