I Wish I Knew What This Feeling Is Called????
As a Teacher, a Caregiver, a Problem Solver, a Mother, a Wife for 23 years, a Friend, a Compassionate Christian, a Sister, a Daughter, and a Lover of Humanity I WANT TO ALWAYS MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER. However if you don't know what it is HOW DO YOU START TO FIX IT? Where do you begin to slove the problem IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS OR WHAT TO DO?? I am filled with this annoying, frustrating, hole in my soul. It's like a huge hole right through me and I try to fill it with Kids, Work, Friends, Family, Pets, ect... I have noticed though that it doesn't stay filled for long. It may for a day, a week, or even a month but eventually the Hole and all the feelings that come along with the Hole are back. I Pray and read Scripture, Go by Church and just sit in God's house in Peace and ask him to fill the Hole for me. I feel better for awhile a little stronger, happier and as soon as I think i'm doing great and only moving forward HELLO HOLE WELCOME BACK THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE FOR GOOD THIS TIME.
Someone said to me the other day that Time really can't HEAL all wounds that some wounds are just to devestating and the SCARS run to deep and think to ever really go away. I wonder now is this true? Am I waiting for some miracle time that I am fully healed and no longer in pain and that time will never come? I want to have HOPE and a BELIEF that my Life won't always feel like this. I know the saying " The bigger they are the harder they fall" I wonder if that is true " In Love" Like " The More you Love, The Harder your Heart will break." I HATE the Hole because I don't know what it is, Therefore how can I fix it? How can I make it better?
It's not Anger, It's not Resentment, It's not Depression my Counsler and my Doctor both feel I don't need medicatin, I have tried believe me... My Church tells me to hold on and believe and trust that God will see me through. I wonder if it is like losing weight in the beginning you lose and lose than your in a Plateau and you have to start working harder to get the weight to come off at that point. It's not as easy as it was in the beginning. In January I was a size 22 by April I was a 14, June a 12, in Aug I bought my first size 9/10 jeans since high school. Now it seems I haven't lost a pound since Aug. If I want to lose more I have to work out more and switch my food up some because my body has adapted already to my rountine. I wonder if healing a heart is the same way all things I HAVE BEEN DOING SINCE Jan don't seem to be working anymore. Journaling, Counsling, talking with dear friends, all of these don't seem to be helping anymore and the HOLE IS GETTING BIGGER..... I don't want it to consume me how do I fix what I don't know what is broke????? What can I do from this point?????
Someone said to me the other day that Time really can't HEAL all wounds that some wounds are just to devestating and the SCARS run to deep and think to ever really go away. I wonder now is this true? Am I waiting for some miracle time that I am fully healed and no longer in pain and that time will never come? I want to have HOPE and a BELIEF that my Life won't always feel like this. I know the saying " The bigger they are the harder they fall" I wonder if that is true " In Love" Like " The More you Love, The Harder your Heart will break." I HATE the Hole because I don't know what it is, Therefore how can I fix it? How can I make it better?
It's not Anger, It's not Resentment, It's not Depression my Counsler and my Doctor both feel I don't need medicatin, I have tried believe me... My Church tells me to hold on and believe and trust that God will see me through. I wonder if it is like losing weight in the beginning you lose and lose than your in a Plateau and you have to start working harder to get the weight to come off at that point. It's not as easy as it was in the beginning. In January I was a size 22 by April I was a 14, June a 12, in Aug I bought my first size 9/10 jeans since high school. Now it seems I haven't lost a pound since Aug. If I want to lose more I have to work out more and switch my food up some because my body has adapted already to my rountine. I wonder if healing a heart is the same way all things I HAVE BEEN DOING SINCE Jan don't seem to be working anymore. Journaling, Counsling, talking with dear friends, all of these don't seem to be helping anymore and the HOLE IS GETTING BIGGER..... I don't want it to consume me how do I fix what I don't know what is broke????? What can I do from this point?????
Replies
((((hugs))))) wish i had the answers..
Hang in there, have to believe it gets better, otherwise why bother trying!!! (((HUGS)))
T are you sure the hole is getting bigger?
You are doing so many of the right things to fill the hole, and I am sure in time the wound will heal and you will notice the hole shrinking.
I know exactly what you mean. There are some days when I can feel so good about life and so very blessed with what I have in life, and then there are other days when I just feel this incredible feeling of emptiness, that I desperately want to fill.
I am spending a lot of time in God\'s presence during those times and that does give me great comfort and eventually peace. I think this is all part of our healing process, and we just have to go along with these ups and downs.
Maybe find yourself something new different and exciting to do to fill in some of the hole. Something that really sparks a new flame for you. Something you can be excited about. Maybe a hobby you have never tried before - something way out there in left field. Just a thought.
Hang in there, I am sure it will get better over time!!! A big ((hug))!!
my dear friend:
i wish i had an answer for you. but, as you know, i am in the exact same boat you are. at least you have friends. i have only my 3 sons in the world.
the one thing that has helped me is to LOVE myself for a change: i had re-started my morning walks \"for me\", i watch what i put in my mouth and eat only what is good for me...i try to do little insignificant acts of love for me, like you would do for an old friend who is going through difficult times...hang in there pal, I\'m not 100% sure yet, but i think we both will be ok at the end...
Oh disneymom65 my heart goes out to you. I thought I was the only one to feel that hole too... we have so much to be grateful for but still there is something missing... one day God will give us his answer...hang in there prayers and hugs to you..
Awww honey - the hole will get filled - it does take time. You\'ll get there. You are going to have your good days and you are going to have your bad days. The hole will fill up when you fill it up with love of yourself. You are a wonderful person and have a lot to be thankful for.
Sometimes, we just have to feel it. It\'s all part of the healing process. Awesome job on the weightloss. Good for you girl!
its a roller coaster, the hole will get filled , you are working on the right path, it will happen overnight and you wont even notice it, hang in there disney, you are a blessed person, you deserve so much better and you will get it, god never lets the good ones down, he might put them thru hoops, but you will get there, I pray for you, take care
You are just in a bad spot now T. It will get better. Keep going with the positive. Keep working on yourself. It will be worth it. We all hit those glitches. It will be good again soon. We are all with you through this!
Thinking of you! :) Maggie
I believe that it is part of the healing process. Some days will be better than others and it is natural to feel the \"hole\". You have been deeply hurt and it takes time for the wound to heal. I try to think of it as with time, the wound will hurt less, but it takes time and being patient with yourself to heal. Allow yourself to feel and grieve, then stand up and dust yourself off and continue your healing path. Things will get better. Don\'t lose hope... HUGS!
I am with you, too, girl! Believe it or not, it really hasn\'t been that long for you considering the devastation your stbx brought upon you and your family. A hole is a great way to put it - I have the same one! It is hard for me to accept the length of time it takes to go through this stupid era of our lives. But looking back in 10 years or so, we will realize that it was just a year or two out of a long life. A VERY BAD year or two for sure.