I Wish I Knew What This Feeling Is Called????
As a Teacher, a Caregiver, a Problem Solver, a Mother, a Wife for 23 years, a Friend, a Compassionate Christian, a Sister, a Daughter, and a Lover of Humanity I WANT TO ALWAYS MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER. However if you don't know what it is HOW DO YOU START TO FIX IT? Where do you begin to slove the problem IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS OR WHAT TO DO?? I am filled with this annoying, frustrating, hole in my soul. It's like a huge hole right through me and I try to fill it with Kids, Work, Friends, Family, Pets, ect... I have noticed though that it doesn't stay filled for long. It may for a day, a week, or even a month but eventually the Hole and all the feelings that come along with the Hole are back. I Pray and read Scripture, Go by Church and just sit in God's house in Peace and ask him to fill the Hole for me. I feel better for awhile a little stronger, happier and as soon as I think i'm doing great and only moving forward HELLO HOLE WELCOME BACK THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE FOR GOOD THIS TIME.
Someone said to me the other day that Time really can't HEAL all wounds that some wounds are just to devestating and the SCARS run to deep and think to ever really go away. I wonder now is this true? Am I waiting for some miracle time that I am fully healed and no longer in pain and that time will never come? I want to have HOPE and a BELIEF that my Life won't always feel like this. I know the saying " The bigger they are the harder they fall" I wonder if that is true " In Love" Like " The More you Love, The Harder your Heart will break." I HATE the Hole because I don't know what it is, Therefore how can I fix it? How can I make it better?
It's not Anger, It's not Resentment, It's not Depression my Counsler and my Doctor both feel I don't need medicatin, I have tried believe me... My Church tells me to hold on and believe and trust that God will see me through. I wonder if it is like losing weight in the beginning you lose and lose than your in a Plateau and you have to start working harder to get the weight to come off at that point. It's not as easy as it was in the beginning. In January I was a size 22 by April I was a 14, June a 12, in Aug I bought my first size 9/10 jeans since high school. Now it seems I haven't lost a pound since Aug. If I want to lose more I have to work out more and switch my food up some because my body has adapted already to my rountine. I wonder if healing a heart is the same way all things I HAVE BEEN DOING SINCE Jan don't seem to be working anymore. Journaling, Counsling, talking with dear friends, all of these don't seem to be helping anymore and the HOLE IS GETTING BIGGER..... I don't want it to consume me how do I fix what I don't know what is broke????? What can I do from this point?????
Someone said to me the other day that Time really can't HEAL all wounds that some wounds are just to devestating and the SCARS run to deep and think to ever really go away. I wonder now is this true? Am I waiting for some miracle time that I am fully healed and no longer in pain and that time will never come? I want to have HOPE and a BELIEF that my Life won't always feel like this. I know the saying " The bigger they are the harder they fall" I wonder if that is true " In Love" Like " The More you Love, The Harder your Heart will break." I HATE the Hole because I don't know what it is, Therefore how can I fix it? How can I make it better?
It's not Anger, It's not Resentment, It's not Depression my Counsler and my Doctor both feel I don't need medicatin, I have tried believe me... My Church tells me to hold on and believe and trust that God will see me through. I wonder if it is like losing weight in the beginning you lose and lose than your in a Plateau and you have to start working harder to get the weight to come off at that point. It's not as easy as it was in the beginning. In January I was a size 22 by April I was a 14, June a 12, in Aug I bought my first size 9/10 jeans since high school. Now it seems I haven't lost a pound since Aug. If I want to lose more I have to work out more and switch my food up some because my body has adapted already to my rountine. I wonder if healing a heart is the same way all things I HAVE BEEN DOING SINCE Jan don't seem to be working anymore. Journaling, Counsling, talking with dear friends, all of these don't seem to be helping anymore and the HOLE IS GETTING BIGGER..... I don't want it to consume me how do I fix what I don't know what is broke????? What can I do from this point?????
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