I will keep fighting!
Some days, I think I'm the biggest whinger. Maybe the pain isn't that bad? I can put up with it - people are sick of hearing about it! I've noticed lately, instead of saying "I'm in pain again =(" I'll just go get my head pack, take my panadine forte, curl up on the lounge and just be quiet for awhile - I think bf is noticing too....
Im so nervous about having a bigger operation - and you know what, it's not even the RISKS involved, I want to take them, I want to play sports, I want to socialise, I want to give my bf and I a better life because mostly I cant/dont do much...He puts up with so much and is such a sweetheart - It's not fair on him either. my biggest fear lays in how much an operation so 'big and risky' as my professor says will cost. I have private health insurance, mostly it will be covered, but here in Australia alot of doctors have excesses. my laparoscopy cost me almost $1000 out of pocket - being a student earing $200 a week off government youth allowance money for those who study (I know people are worse off) it's difficult to save, with rent, phone bills etc etc.
Also, I keep running through my head the fact he tells me "it's a disease, you have it for life" - I'm emotional enough without having to deal with this FOREVER.
I keep thinking even if I just chip away at my degree it's better than nothing, and this teachers aide/intergration aide course, it can help me get a job.. or I can do a community college course on the side which is normally one or two days a week. I mean I have options - BUT this disease takes over those options, it breaks you down and everything you wanted isnt so attainable anymore. But I have to do it - for me!! I have to keep going and come next year if I'm no closer then I'll choose a different path...
I just need to be positive, I CAN DO THIS... even if its in bed some days..reading books and writing notes.. I have a laptop - take that in there! it can be done, I need to be positive, I need to keep fighting.
I know other women have it worse off than me...it's just this constant throbbing, aching, stabbing, cramping etc it gets to you sometimes worse than others, but having a chronic constant pain - regardless of how severe or how often - it's heartbreaking to see what it does to everyone around you and to yourself.
Im so nervous about having a bigger operation - and you know what, it's not even the RISKS involved, I want to take them, I want to play sports, I want to socialise, I want to give my bf and I a better life because mostly I cant/dont do much...He puts up with so much and is such a sweetheart - It's not fair on him either. my biggest fear lays in how much an operation so 'big and risky' as my professor says will cost. I have private health insurance, mostly it will be covered, but here in Australia alot of doctors have excesses. my laparoscopy cost me almost $1000 out of pocket - being a student earing $200 a week off government youth allowance money for those who study (I know people are worse off) it's difficult to save, with rent, phone bills etc etc.
Also, I keep running through my head the fact he tells me "it's a disease, you have it for life" - I'm emotional enough without having to deal with this FOREVER.
I keep thinking even if I just chip away at my degree it's better than nothing, and this teachers aide/intergration aide course, it can help me get a job.. or I can do a community college course on the side which is normally one or two days a week. I mean I have options - BUT this disease takes over those options, it breaks you down and everything you wanted isnt so attainable anymore. But I have to do it - for me!! I have to keep going and come next year if I'm no closer then I'll choose a different path...
I just need to be positive, I CAN DO THIS... even if its in bed some days..reading books and writing notes.. I have a laptop - take that in there! it can be done, I need to be positive, I need to keep fighting.
I know other women have it worse off than me...it's just this constant throbbing, aching, stabbing, cramping etc it gets to you sometimes worse than others, but having a chronic constant pain - regardless of how severe or how often - it's heartbreaking to see what it does to everyone around you and to yourself.
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