I Want You Here
I saw this on Janette's post... Damn it we all know how true this is... My heart aches for her... for all of us... Sad as it is that we have to be here... I am always amazed at how grateful I am to all of my SOTH... I hate that you know exactly how I feel... Thank You a million times. Hugs Elissa
The agony is not the first and last thoughts of my day although they are certainly always with me and always will be...I remember just a month or so after Cara died... I wondered to myself... is this how it will be the rest of my life... the first thought in my mind every day and the last thought every night... Cara died... and the pain that seemed like it would swallow me whole would totally take over...
I don't know if you will be able to hear me yet... In the beginning I hurt so badly... I just couldn't believe it would get any better...
It hurts... it will hurt every day for the rest of my life... but now I am grateful to say I am living with the pain a part of everything... but I also have good moments. I am grateful for my life and the people I love here and on the other side... I am grateful for all the love and memories...
The agony is not the first and last thoughts of my day although they are certainly always with me and always will be...I remember just a month or so after Cara died... I wondered to myself... is this how it will be the rest of my life... the first thought in my mind every day and the last thought every night... Cara died... and the pain that seemed like it would swallow me whole would totally take over...
I don't know if you will be able to hear me yet... In the beginning I hurt so badly... I just couldn't believe it would get any better...
It hurts... it will hurt every day for the rest of my life... but now I am grateful to say I am living with the pain a part of everything... but I also have good moments. I am grateful for my life and the people I love here and on the other side... I am grateful for all the love and memories...
Replies
As you said with some time you don\'t feel like you are kicked in the gut every morning. After 3 1/2 years, I can say I have gotten to the 50/50, that is a start :)
My son Nicholas is/was a beautiful soul and so kind and helping. I know he sits on his brother\'s shoulder and protects his as he weathers his \'storms\' I try to find peace in my broken heart with that.
Lorraine
It is almost 3 years since Colleen passed, and this heavy, hurting sadness is still with me everyday. Even when I am happy about something, the sadness still remains. I guess it is part of the new me.
so true.... it\'s so not fair,, love ya!
I so wish none of us had to endure this.
Sending you lots of love and tight hugs, Leda
So true - wish it wasn\'t.....sometimes I just want to stomp my feet and yell - I WANT YOU HERE, DAMMIT!!!!!
((((((hugs))))) Vicki
Understanding and wish I didn\'t and wish that NONE of us did! I remember when I first caught myself that I had not thought of Douglas until AFTER I had brushed my teeth... The fallout of emotion that I felt that I was a horrible mom and person to not have him in my thoughts as I closed my eyes at night and first thing as I awakened. Finally, I learned from each of you that HE was always tucked safely in my heart and never, ever \"forgotten\" and carried there. I feel he\'s infused within every cell of my BEing now and so even if my thoughts are not focused on him, HE is with me always. Somehow that helps most days, not all days, yet most. Deepest of sighs...
Thank you for the understanding and companioning that is within your words dear Elissa and yes, I HATE this for ALL of us, yet somehow as warrior mamas we are still here. How could this BE?
Loving care to dear Cara and her mom from Douglas and me,
XO Joanie
I know!! I want my son with me too. I miss him and it never stops hurting. That is my very sad and very true reality!!
((((HUGS)))), Julia
The pain becomes a part of us. We can enjoy life but a part of us will always hurt.
Tight hugs, M
I remember when I first lost Alex...I woke up feeling the same way. In time i feel more as you express. Thank you Elissa...beautifully said...
Love and gentle hugs...Karen