I want to stop, I don't want to.

H - I just finished scraping, tweezing my arm.  It is so ugly, it is so relieving (nothing works as well as this self harm).  I haven't been able to wear short sleeves all summer because I'm so embarrassed.  There are other things I can do instead which would be more caring, but not at all the same. Sometimes I can't wait to get home so I can do it.  I do it, it heals somewhat, and then I'm back at it again.  Has anyone been in this place and still gone on to heal from this deranged behavior?  
Christy