I want to hurt my child

I called Jake this morning to tell him about the trip. He told me that he was waiting until after the trip to tell me "his news" to avoid me canceling my trip to Gatlinburg. He needs to move back home due to medical issues. He can no longer work enough hours to support his own apartment. He will not tell me over the phone what is wrong with him and he thinks I can wait until Saturday morning for this conversation.
 
Sunday morning I awoke from a dream about Jake being in a hospital and when I got out of bed to run to the bathroom my legs went right out from under me. I fell on the floor so hard it woke up Anne. I think this more premonition than dream.
 
I am a selfish mother, I do not want my sons to be on their own whether they can support themselves or not. I have a 4 bedroom house for just this reason. Until Saturday I will try to enjoy the fact that Jakey is coming home, no matter the reason.
 
I love you all and miss you retreaters very much already. I have been crying all day and am no use at work. I need you all near me. Somebody please find me a Phoenix mom or two. Maybe I'll look for some news coverage.
 
And AnnM, my sunflower lover, I may need to call you for sunflower advice in the desert!