I want to do it for ME!!

Life is such a rollercoaster when we let other people dictate how we feel about ourselves.  I have come to realize that I only feel as good about myself as the love I am receiving from others at any given time! That is why I hate "Alone" so much.  I feel empty!! I have figured out that I have always looked to a man to make me feel worthy. The worst part is for the most part I have picked unworthy men and believed their assesment of me.  I want to understand that I can not control how other people feel. I can however (or should be able to) control the way I feel about me. I want to love me. I started thinking about what I don't love about me and why I don't feel worthy.  With that said I started working with a personal trainer last night! I worked out so hard I made myself sick. I can't wait to go back again tonight! I have felt the burn all day that lets me know I am doing something for me, because I am worth it.  I am tired of feeling sorry for myself! I pray to accept the things I can not change but darn it I WANT to change the things I can control to come out in my favor for a change.  If I would put all of the energy and emotion I put into trying to please others into making me better, maybe I could learn to love myself! Please pray that I have the strength to continue to want to do something good for me.  It is a new concept for me.  I want to win.  I deserve it.