I want to...but can't

I keep starting a journal...but can't seem to get very far with it.  I write a few words and my nose starts burning...eyes watering...and I stop as quickly as I can knowing that if I don't I will start crying again.  I will probably have to stop writing again....but I want to keep trying.   I want my husband back so badly.  I know I can't have him...but I don't care...I WANT him.  I miss him so much that my heart feels like it will break in two.  He was the most amazing man I've ever met.  He was so funny!  Every single day he made me laugh about something. He was a musician...incredibly talented.  I loved his music more than I loved anyones.  He would laugh when I told him I was listening to my favorite singer and look a little embarrassed.  He was so cute!  He was the most mischieveous person I've known.  The song "How Can I Live Without You" goes through my head all the time.  How will I??  I'm not sure I can...but I know I have no choice but to try. I've done all that my heart will let me...will try again another time.