I want to...but can't
I keep starting a journal...but can't seem to get very far with it. I write a few words and my nose starts burning...eyes watering...and I stop as quickly as I can knowing that if I don't I will start crying again. I will probably have to stop writing again....but I want to keep trying. I want my husband back so badly. I know I can't have him...but I don't care...I WANT him. I miss him so much that my heart feels like it will break in two. He was the most amazing man I've ever met. He was so funny! Every single day he made me laugh about something. He was a musician...incredibly talented. I loved his music more than I loved anyones. He would laugh when I told him I was listening to my favorite singer and look a little embarrassed. He was so cute! He was the most mischieveous person I've known. The song "How Can I Live Without You" goes through my head all the time. How will I?? I'm not sure I can...but I know I have no choice but to try. I've done all that my heart will let me...will try again another time.
Replies
i liked writing in my journals, i cry, while writing, sometimes, but just keep typing, and let it all come out,.. you can make it so NO ONE sees your journal, so mabey try writing a journal entry, keep it to yourself only, and look at at a day later, when you look back, at how you were actually feeling, it gives you another perspective, of yourself,.. it helps, i think,.. your friend, Dave
Hi Jeannie,
I\'m sorry you are suffering. Life can be such a kick in the teeth sometimes. To be honest, you probably shouldn\'t write a journal if it hurts that much. It seems to make matters worse. You have to live for the future and try to put the past behind you. That is a tall order but it must be your goal. I hope my words are not cutting.
Both of your comments make sense. I think I will put if off awhile...and then maybe try again. I feel like I need to sort my feelings...I read all the journals on here and it helps me know who I am talking to. I want to let other people in to see who I really am...but maybe it\'s not time. Thanks for caring...Jeannie
It\'s great that you were able to journal some thoughts about your husband. He sounds like a wonderful man. I hope it gets easier for you. Hugs, Debbie
Dear Jeannie-I am so sorry for your loss. Before my Michael died of cancer I used to keep a daily journal-when he passed I was lost for words, for almost six months I was unable to express myself/or my grief, or even talk to people.The song how can I live without you still brings tears to my eyes..and memories of all the pain I felt initially... I so can relate to how you are feeling \"without the sun in your life\" and not being able to breathe, and the feeling that everything good in your life has gone...You are also right when you say that you have to try and survive... I always compare death to an amputation-when you lose a limb you always miss it, but you learn to get by without it. Take one day at a time-allow yourself to grieve.. Take the good memories of your husband and use them as a catalyst to help others and in so doing honor him. Your love for each other will always be there to sustain you...Song of Solomon 8:7
You are a survivor Hugs and prayers Janine
Jeannie,
God Bless You. I am so sorry for your loss, Alway\'s keep your faith as I am sure you will. I watch Charles Stanley on Sunday\'s often and listening to him talk about losses and how we think we are alone but we are not alone with Jesus. I lost a very dear friend suddenly a few years ago. I had a hard time attempting the grieving process finally went to grief support. My final treatment that helped me was writing in a journal as if talking to him face to face. My daughter and I used to live in Arkansas. We moved to another state due to an abusive ex husband. She is 18 now with a baby due in December. Her father was bi polar and she said to me the other day she thought she was bi polar also, she didnt know her father because we left when she was two but it really shocked me for her to say that.
Thank you for writing and encouraging me so much. I hope I can do the same for others here. God bless! Jeannie
you will, and nice photo of you too,.. we will be here ANYTIME you are ready,.. thats the great thing about this site, people really do care, and they have alot of helpfull ideas, not all the same, and thats good too, everyone is giving their idea of what helped them, and sharing, what a wonderful thing, your friend, Dave
That\'s true, Dave...and thanks!
oh, my dear, what can i possibly say, except I am so sorry for your loss. dont rush yourself, its going to take time. my prayers are with you