I want to be touched.

I am surviving, but that's all I've been for a little too long now.  If I could speak the truth right now, this is what I would say.  I want so badly to be touched, to be held, hugged, kissed, enveloped.  A girl touched my hand a month ago, and I almost felt like crying, the shivers through my body were so intense.  That is what happens I guess after so long without physical contact.  I think that the last time I had a lot of anxiety I was in a similar situation, and I got out of it when I met someone.  I know that you should learn how to be happy on your own and for yourself, but as Coelho says, 'it is precisely the possibility of a fulfilling a dream that makes life interesting".  For me the only dream that has ever really meant anything is love.  I mean isn't that the sum of all other dreams?  I mean I tell myself day to day now that love is for fools and that it is, more likely than not, an invented concept that we only use to get us through the sorrow of life, but there is still a small part of me that won't give up on it, and I don't think ever will.  There is still that little kernel of my being that wants so badly to love, love like a child.  I have made such a mess of myself, and continue to do so, but whatever I have left, this broken, sullied thing, still longs to find someone that it can devote itself to utterly.  I feel that I don't deserve a happiness that great, although I couldn't say exactly why, but I still hope that that happiness could be mine someday.  Amazingly, the little bird in my heart is still alive, even after all.