i WANT to arrive ... =)
I can't wait to 'get there'. Having reached my goals. I look around at other women who are slim and toned, having reached their goals and I think how it's taking me such a long time to get there because I keep stopping my efforts. It's not that I can't do it, it's not that i'm not capable either! I have to remember that I am worth trying hard. I'm worth looking after and out for. I'm worth encouraging myself in the desired direction, rather than destroying my hopes and dreams!. I dyed my hair tonight and while that seems like no big deal, it's one of my goals to let it grow out. As a test of patience because I shaved my hair off in a fit of ugliness and binge and pain - feeling that I was undeserving of feeling pretty because I didn't feel it whatsoever. I haven't told anyone this was the reason for why I went a short short short style - except I think i mentioned it on here. I've successfully been growing my hair for one inch haha.. in other words a couple of months and it's starting to get a little bit of length to it though it's still so VERy short. I did however dye it so that my natural colour would match up more only that didn't work!!! It's RED - not the chocolate brown that it claimed to turn to. ANYWAY - I just need to remind myself I haven't ruined that goal. I did dye my hair to further the process of growing it out naturally.. but looking half decent in the process. I still feel like I have to change myself all the time, so I'll keep the scissors and hair dyes (as much as I can) away from me to allow myself to grow into myself most naturally! This i'm hoping will teach me to be patient... Last night a guy told me I should dye my hair back to blonde and he said it's a shame it's not longer anymore.. i'm so sensitive to comments like that - especially because i shaved my hair off out of self distraught and dislike. Anyway... Today hasn't been a binge day, infact either has yesterday! I've refrained from eating loads of bread at night and i've eaten regular meals!!!! YAY FOR ME, LET'S CELEBRATE! Also i've got a photo shoot with a friend coming up on saturday so while I know i'm not the most sexy strutting stuff in the world It's not the purpose of it but i'm going to keep that as a short term goal to eat well and motivate myself. I plan on attending the gym tues, wed and sat - I also went tonight and I plan on keeping to regular meals; if i eat late at night it's just healthy stuff and enjoyable beverages opposed to loading up the carbs! I can make another day like this. I will try because I am worth it.