I want him to move back home
Last night I asked him to move back home. He said I already kicked him out. In other words he isn't moving back in. Why can't I see that as a good thing? Why cant I see that as a out? He is abusive to me, all the time, he treats me like shit, and I don't like it.
I told him, I am waiting for him to find another woman and leave me, or break up with me, because I don't want any of his misery to be my fault. How lame does that sound? It sounded sane at the moment.
Do I miss him? or do I miss the company of a man?
He is the man I have waited for, when he is sweet he can be so good, kind, gentle, but when he is mean, oh my gosh, I feel the lowest self esteem in the world.
I am so confused, at one moment I want him to leave, and at the other moment I want him to stay. He tells me I am the one who is emotionally abusive to him? I been trying so hard not to take all my anger out on him, from past abuse, I know I get ultra defensive, when we argue, and I go back to my abusive relationships that I had before.
When he is at my house, I turn off my cell, and don't answer my phone, because he thinks I am talking with someone else and/or flirting on facebook. So I don't use my phone at all when he is there because I don't want to have to explain what I am doing on there. It's crazy what I do for his affection.
What is sad is that I have learned to feed his ego. I tell him all the things a man likes to hear. I am so tuned into what he likes/dislikes, I can make him happy if he would just let me. But he is so in his own mj addiction, he won't let me.
When he isn't with me all I think about is him. What is he doing? where is he at? who is he with? is it another woman?
Then I get depressed because what if he is, then it is over for us. Why don't I want it to be over? Why can't I just let go, and move on with my life.
I would be free, I would be less stressed, I could be on my phone whenever, wherever I want, I could leave my home, or stay home if I wanted, I could spend time with my children, and do stuff with them, I could spend time with my children, and not send them to grandmas when he wants to spend time with me.
He tells me there is not another woman, he tells me it is just him, but I have a really hard time believing him. And I feel like I am forcing myself to believe that so that I can keep him around.
Am I using him too? for companionship? Does he deserve to be used?
I told him, I am waiting for him to find another woman and leave me, or break up with me, because I don't want any of his misery to be my fault. How lame does that sound? It sounded sane at the moment.
Do I miss him? or do I miss the company of a man?
He is the man I have waited for, when he is sweet he can be so good, kind, gentle, but when he is mean, oh my gosh, I feel the lowest self esteem in the world.
I am so confused, at one moment I want him to leave, and at the other moment I want him to stay. He tells me I am the one who is emotionally abusive to him? I been trying so hard not to take all my anger out on him, from past abuse, I know I get ultra defensive, when we argue, and I go back to my abusive relationships that I had before.
When he is at my house, I turn off my cell, and don't answer my phone, because he thinks I am talking with someone else and/or flirting on facebook. So I don't use my phone at all when he is there because I don't want to have to explain what I am doing on there. It's crazy what I do for his affection.
What is sad is that I have learned to feed his ego. I tell him all the things a man likes to hear. I am so tuned into what he likes/dislikes, I can make him happy if he would just let me. But he is so in his own mj addiction, he won't let me.
When he isn't with me all I think about is him. What is he doing? where is he at? who is he with? is it another woman?
Then I get depressed because what if he is, then it is over for us. Why don't I want it to be over? Why can't I just let go, and move on with my life.
I would be free, I would be less stressed, I could be on my phone whenever, wherever I want, I could leave my home, or stay home if I wanted, I could spend time with my children, and do stuff with them, I could spend time with my children, and not send them to grandmas when he wants to spend time with me.
He tells me there is not another woman, he tells me it is just him, but I have a really hard time believing him. And I feel like I am forcing myself to believe that so that I can keep him around.
Am I using him too? for companionship? Does he deserve to be used?
Replies
((((((hugs)))))))
I pray, for your sake, that he doesn\'t move back in with you.. then it really will be back to square one.. and a big loss of freedom..
if he does move back in, it\'s not the end of the world.. just a big step backward..
you may have him move back in, and then realize that it\'s not what you want, and then it may be hell getting out, but I\'m sure you will do it.
it\'s crazy, what we will do for a little companionship.
I don\'t think you\'re using him. I think you are lonely, and not totally over him.
good luck, and hugs..
I hope that it all works out, and you never know-miracles happen all of the time, why not to you???
it may be that he \'gets\' it, and the next time we hear from you, things are going well!!