I want a life!

I am trying so hard to just get on with the business of living. I am keeping up with my workouts and although sore I like it.  I am working on getting "my house" in order and all that requires.  I have decided to sell our big house and get some of the financial strain off of me.  I realized I have been struggling to hang on to some form of the life I had rather than moving forward to the life I want to have.  I got everything going in the right direction all I lack is patience and confidence.  I pray everyday for strength and hope.  I know God has a plan for me.  I know I am a good person with a good heart and that I always try my best to do the right thing. According to "The Word" God will bless me.  He already has!  I feel guilty for not being as thankful as I should be for the gifts he has already given me. I so want some form of love in my life again.  I know I am not ready emotionally.  I would wear someone out and be so clingy I would probably scare a man away at this point.  I know I need to start out just looking for friends (I have made some great friends on DS, you guys have saved my life!).  I need to find some local friends to hang out with and when I and God determine I am ready I want to believe I will have love again.  I am just not a happy person when I don't have special people in my life to share things with.  I have to stay busy and moving forward and just live my life day to day and quit stressing, I know all of that but it still isn't easy to worry that I waited too long to try to take my life back!  I wish I was 20 something and had a long future in front of me and still had the time to find my soul mate and get it right.  I know, God willing I still have plenty of time to find someone to love and enjoy and grow old with but I feel more pressure because I'm not 20! I pray for all of you to find the happiness we all deserve.  I would appreciate your prayers as well.  I still hate ALONE.  That is not the way God intended us to live our lives and I will never get used to it, nor do I want to!  I'm not giving up! I just struggle trying to stay focused and not get depressed and anxious while I wait to see how things unfold!