i wanna be normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i've been feeling pretty good lately and my family and i celebrated Christmas for 3 days.....Christmas Eve with my dad's side....Christmas Day with just mimmediate family and then yesterday with m mom's side of the family....and my brother's girfriend joined us all three days.....well i felt really bad b/c yesterday my brother's girlfriend had a panic attack at the house....and as we were driving home i was thinking of how awful panic attacks are and everything.....and i realized i just wanan be NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't wanan know how awful panic attacks are.....i don't wanna know if the chest pain that i have now is from my new medication....i don't wanna know that if i don;t take my anti-depressants that i'lkl go crazy and cry all day.....i don't wanna go on knowing that my life is so screwed up and that i fight cutting urges EVERY DAY.....i just wanna be normal!!!!!!!!!!!! and in my mind suicide is normal......like more people commit suicide now and it feels like it's a normal thing to do...don't really have an urge to do it right now....just a thought....therapy tomorrow, good topic for the session