I want...

I want to be happy. I want to be happy for others. I want to be able to REALLY mean it when I congratulate my pregnant friends. I want to not make my husband's Christmas miserable with my sobbing. I want to not be scared anymore. I want to have everything make sense. I want to believe that its not because of my previous decisions. I want to believe that nothing will change. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason. I want to stop worrying about this. I want to stop hating myself.