I've had it

I'm so sick of dealing with this.  I'm currently missing yet another dance practice because I just can't handle the stress right now.  
I'm tired of the constant anxiety weighing on my shoulders.  I can actually feel it.  It's so heavy
I'm tired of the depression that pulls me down and steals my drive and motivation.
I'm tired of the insane mood changes that make me into a person I don't even recognize.
I'm tired of all the little med adjustments that we all know won't work.  
I'm tired of being tired.  It's exhausting.
I never used to cry.  I thought I was too tough for that.  Well, now for everyone to see, I'm crying.  I'm counting on no one actually reading my journal. 
So that's my self pity for the day.  I hate hating my life.  I don't know how things will get better, but they have to.  
Right now I'm just trying to outlive bipolar disorder.