i've been thinking

you know i've been thinking.. thinking about all the time and energy that I spent being angry.... angry at everybody and everything... actually more specifically angry at the young man that was driving when my son was killed... and how I wanted to see him pay for his actions.  I continued in those thoughts till I realized that to be a proper human being and a proper parent... to be a loving parent to my remaining daughter that I had to put that anger aside... .actually put that young man aside... We all know what he did... and the grief that he caused... the lives he's changed and what we are missing... and dwelling on it... welll that didn't help one bit...So... on I go with my life... loving life... loving the memories that I have... and knowing that I was the best darn parent that I could be... You know there were 2 accidents... 3 weeks apart... and boy the difference in the 2 accidents... wow... Tracy's death was an accident... not a good thing... yes very sad... but I spoke to the driver... and know that it was not his fault... as for the 2nd accident that took my son... He avoided me... at first I thought it was because well I had lost my son... just 3 short weeks after losing my daughter... then I realized... it was guilt... that was causing him to avoid me... then I hated him... then I realized that I have never hated anybody in my life... and that life was too short... that I had to come around... No... I've never spoken to him again... and nope.. don't care if I ever do... but my life and my remaining daughter's life.. goes on... We have a good life... good friends .. good Daddy... good Husband.. wonderful grandpa... and all in all... life goes on.l.. and for the most part... I'm happy... miss my kids... but nothing can bring them back... so on we go.. making the best of the rest .... hate and anger takes energy and that energy can best be spent on positive things...  God Bless everybody... Life can be good even after tragedies...

Replies

Robin4
Robin4

It sounds as if you are getting to a place where the world seems like living in again. I\'m proud of the progress you\'ve made. It\'s so hard to wrap our heads around why we have to lose children. In my case, I have no one to be angry against. My son was alone in his accident. I\'m comforted to know he didn\'t hurt anyone or that I have had to try to forgive someone, but not being able to express anger to anyone (other than God) or to anything in itself is hard too. But we do have many blessings, we just have to look around. Love to you. Robin
chantillet
chantillet

Thankyou Robin... you know Robin.. it took a long time, to get this head space... yeah.. and sure there are a lot of days.. when I\'m so lonely for them.. but... I have to concentrate on what I have... what I have to be greatful for in my life now... and then I have to thank God for the time that he gave me with them... I am sure there is a lesson to be learned... but geesh.... what was that lesson... and no way.. no how do I want to repeat that class....