I thought I was feeling better...

I'm now on day 4 without my husband. I was lucky enough to talk to him for the past 2 days. I was supposed to go out today with friends and I found myself just wanting to sit by the phone and wait for his call. I was actually feeling positive and upbeat yesterday but then I did something to my back and was having a hard time. My first thought was to call hubby and tell him I was hurting, then I realized I can't do that. Later on I was looking at jobs online and wanted to print something out but my printer wasn't working. My first reaction was to call my hubby so he can talk me through fixing it. Thats when it all went down hill. My heart hurt and the tears welled up. It's been over 2 years since the initial arrest and when everything came out, so I'm over being angry...now it's just sadness. Constant sadness. I miss the life when everything seemed normal. I miss walking out my front door with my head up and walking into a room and just talking to everyone. Now I try not to make eye contact with anyone, I try to hide myself in public places, and I don't ever initiate a conversation with anyone. I know most people don't know what is going on, but I just feel so bad...all the time. I fake it really when my kids are around, but when I'm alone, all bets are off! I try to have faith, I do feel God's presents around me and I know there are many people praying for us, but the loneliness is just so overwhelming.