I think I'm upside down but I can't be sure

I wrote in my personal journal that I thought I was going to be alright.  My mind just can't stop thinking.  I can't remember what I didn't like about him.  Why didn't I like him?  What exactly was it that was missing from the relationship?  I can't remember how I would lay there and think "I wish we would get this over with".  I can't remember the countless times when I thought I needed to leave.  I know I felt all of this and so much more but I can't remember.